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“You caught me before I went to bed, so good timing.”
He nodded. “Okay, well, I’ll try to give you a call tomorrow.”
“Okay…sounds good.” I licked my lips. “Talk to you then.”
He stared at me again. “Goodnight.”
“Calder…” I stopped him from hanging up.
“Yeah?”
My voice cracked. “I’m really rooting for you. Try not to let what happened here at home get in your head. You deserve that position.”
“Thanks. I’m not getting my hopes up, though.” He smiled sadly. “Talk to you soon.”
“Okay.” I returned the smile. “Talk soon.”
He paused before disconnecting the call. “I love you.”
Those three words landed like lead in my stomach. But I had to return the sentiment. “I love you, too.”
It wasn’t a lie. I did love him, but in a different way than I loved Rafe. Holy shit. I paused at that thought. I love Rafe. I really do. But what could I do with that fact? It was marred by guilt and lies, even if it was the truth.
After we hung up, I shut my eyes tightly as the guilt now burned a hole through my heart. I loved two men and was hurting them both in different ways. After taking a few minutes to decompress, I rose from the couch and made my way downstairs again.
When I returned to Rafe’s apartment, the door was open, and he was pacing inside. He stopped when I appeared in the doorway.
The light in his eyes from earlier had dimmed, and he tugged at his hair. “How’s Calder?”
“Good. He was just, um, having trouble sleeping and said he wanted to hear my voice.”
Rafe’s jaw tightened. “What did you tell him you were doing?”
“I wasn’t specific, but obviously he didn’t know I was with you.”
He gritted his teeth. “I wouldn’t say that’s obvious. He would be smart to put his money on it. Maybe you should’ve just told him, ripped the Band-Aid off.”
My eyes widened. “You really feel that way? Haven’t we hurt him enough?”
He raised his voice. “How is continuing to lie helping anyone? All it does is minimize what you and I have while also deceiving him. Nobody wins in that scenario.”
“I’m trying to sort through all of this, I swear. I just don’t have all the answers yet. I don’t know what’s right. But think about what you’re saying. We just hurt him very badly. It’s too soon to do it again.”
“Prolonging it isn’t going to make it any easier, Talia. We’re hurting him whether he knows it or not.”
The feeling of being overwhelmed was almost unbearable. “He’s in the middle of an important job interview. Telling him now would ruin his chances.” Tears stung my eyes. “It’s not fair. I don’t know what to do. Everything is wrong for one reason or another.”
Rafe took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. Maybe now is not the best time.” He shook his head. “Fuck. How have I become so damn heartless?” He shook his head again. “Did my name come up at all?”
I swallowed. “He asked if I’d seen you.”
“What did you say?”
“That I had, but I left it at that. It wasn’t like I could tell him I spent the night here. And he didn’t ask anything else.”
His stare was incendiary. “Did he tell you he loved you?”
Fuck. I gulped. “Yes.”