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The awful sense of dread I’d felt this morning had only gotten worse as the day went on. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d said or done something inappropriate last night. What else would have had Rafe questioning whether I was happy with Calder?

And I hated myself for not being able to remember. What kind of grown woman goes out with a co-worker at her brand-new job and gets so shitfaced she can’t remember half the night the next morning? To make it worse, I did remember telling Lacey about my crush on my boyfriend’s best friend. I’d humiliated myself before my first day even arrived.

Needing to calm down, I attempted to clear my head with a shower. The scalding water pounding on my shoulders was almost too much to bear, but the sting brought me more relief than anything else had since I’d woken up two hours ago. Maybe I deserved a little pain after the way I’d been acting.

When I finally got out, my skin was red and blotchy. I wrapped myself in a towel, still trying to quiet my thoughts. But I knew the way my brain worked. If I had a problem, I couldn’t just forget about it. I needed to work it through, find a way to solve it. Since I couldn’t seem to do that on my own, I reached for my phone to call my dad. He was the most level-headed person I knew. He’d tell me what to do. But the thought lasted less than a second before the truth slammed into me so hard it knocked the air out of my lungs.

My father is dead.

The towel slipped from my fingers, and a sharp, broken sound tore from my throat before I could stop it. Not just tears or crying, but full-on heaving sobs that bent me in half. The grief hit like a freight train, like it had been waiting just beneath the surface for the right moment to break through.

I sank to the floor, pulled my knees up to my chest, and kept sobbing, loud, ugly, and all-consuming. This wasn’t the first time I’d thought about calling my dad, only to realize I couldn’t. It had happened the week after he passed, too. When I found out I’d gotten the job at Diamond Publishing, my first instinct had been to tell him the good news. Then it had happened again a few days later. Nat and I had finished shopping at the mall when her car wouldn’t start.

She’d turned the key twice, then looked over at me. “Do you have AAA?”

“No, but I’ll just call my—” I hadn’t even finished the sentence that time.

I’d chalked it up to shock. My dad’s death had come out of nowhere. The man didn’t even have a cardiologist, and he was suddenly gone from a massive heart attack.

But now two months had gone by. How the hell could I have forgotten?

I cried and cried, maybe harder than I had when he actually died. At some point, I dragged myself from the bathroom to the bedroom, curled into a ball on the bed, and miraculously managed to fall asleep.

When I woke, I jolted upright in a panic, unsure how long I’d even been out. I looked around for a clock. Three hours—almost three full hours. Calder was coming home today, and I hadn’t even finished the laundry like I’d promised. I hadn’t gone downstairs to move the sheets to the dryer. I jumped out of bed, yanked on the first thing I could find in my top drawer, and rushed out of the apartment. Rafe’s door was open as I passed the second floor, but the last thing I needed was to see him. So I kept my head down, moving fast across the landing and down the next flight of stairs.

“Hey!” Rafe called as I reached the first floor.

But I didn’t stop. I didn’t even turn around. I pushed open the basement door, rushed down the last flight of stairs, and went straight to the washing machine. I forgot all about the mouse that had greeted me the other day as I flipped open the lid, tugged out the wet sheets, and dumped them into the dryer like it was the only thing in the world that mattered.

“Hey,” Rafe said again, closer this time.

Of course he’d followed me.

I kept my back to him, fiddling with the dryer settings to buy myself a few seconds. “Sorry. I’m busy.”

“I can see that.”

I slammed the dryer door a little harder than necessary and jabbed at the start buttons. “Then why are you down here?”

“Because you were running like the house was on fire.”

I finally turned. Rafe took one look at my face and his dropped. “You’ve been crying.”

I looked away, trying to hide my puffy eyes. “I’m fine.”

He was quiet for a few heartbeats. “Is it because of me?”

I shook my head. “No. Not really.” I swallowed hard. “I was feeling off today, and I thought I’d call my dad because he always has all the answers, and for a second…I forgot he was dead.” The words caught in my throat. “And then I remembered. And it just…hurt. Really hurt.” A few tears slipped free, tracing down my cheeks. I wiped them away, but the damage was done. I stood there feeling exposed. I’d said too much and couldn’t take any of it back.

“I’m so sorry, Talia,” Rafe’s voice sounded strained. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I really want to hold you right now; make you feel better. But I don’t want to make whatever’s happening between us even worse.”

Happening between us… There it was. So it hadn’t been in my head after all.

“I’m so embarrassed about last night—for getting drunk and making you stay to take care of me.” I looked up and met his eyes. “I’m sorry for whatever I said or did that put you in a position that made you uncomfortable. I don’t remember, but I know in my bones I did something wrong.”

Rafe looked down and spoke quietly. “Calder is my best friend, and even though nothing happened between us, it feels wrong today.” He paused before meeting my gaze. “It feels wrong because spending time with you feels right, Talia.”

My heart was already racing, but now I worried it might beat out of my chest. “Calder can’t know,” I blurted. “He can’t know we spent so much time together.”