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It made the meal Calder had spent hours preparing taste a lot like guilt.

“So was the book good?” he asked.

“Book?”

“The one you stayed late to finish reading.”

“Oh.” I laughed nervously. “Yeah. It was.”

“What kind of book was it?”

“Just…you know. Women’s fiction.”

“About what?”

My mind went completely blank. I had worked on a manuscript this week, but my nerves had apparently scrambled my brain. Luckily, I was becoming alarmingly good at improvising. “A woman who discovers she was adopted and sets out to find her biological family, only to learn she was born into a powerful political dynasty that spent decades hiding the circumstances of her birth.”

“Oh wow.”

Yeah, wow. Even I was impressed with how quickly I’d made that up.

“Sounds interesting.”

“It was.”

He took a sip of wine. “So…have you given any thought to the London job? I don’t want to pressure you. I didn’t get the vibe that you were completely into it when I mentioned it. I really am good with whatever you decide.”

I looked up at him. Until this moment, London had felt insane—too sudden, too far, too much. But now…

Maybe that’s exactly what we needed. An ocean between me and the mess I’d made here. Distance from Rafe. Distance from temptation. Maybe this was the answer. London wasn’t running away. It would be a fresh start.

My heart skipped a beat. “I think it could be a really good opportunity.”

A smile spread across his face. “Oh yeah?”

“If you get the job, when would we have to go?”

“I’m not sure of the exact logistics. I have to apply first, but my boss seems to think I have a good chance. Probably within a month or two though.”

The sooner the better. I took a deep breath. “I think we should do it.”

“Really?”

I nodded and let it out. “Really.”

“Okay,” he agreed with a big smile. “I’ll start the application process.” He raised his wine glass, and I clinked it with mine.

After dinner, we cleaned up together in that way couples who have known each other a long time do. Calder loaded the dishwasher while I wrapped the leftovers and cleaned the table. He kissed my temple when he passed behind me, and I leaned into it because it felt like what I should do.

Later, when we went to bed, he was gentle, and I felt like he was giving me every chance to pull away. I didn’t. Instead, I turned toward him and let him love me with the same tenderness that used to make me feel safe. Only it didn’t this time. It made me feel awful.

“Missed you,” he murmured when it was over and he’d pulled me in close.

My throat tightened. “Missed you, too.” What’s another lie?

Calder’s breathing deepened a few minutes later. I carefully slipped out of his arms and rolled to my side.

Then I silently cried myself to sleep.