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Her expression darkened. “Seriously, Talia, what’s going on?”

Not sure what came over me, but I’d been too ashamed to tell Nat what I’d done. And I wasn’t close to Lacey, but that made it easier to admit things. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d word-vomited all over Lacey. But it would be the second time I did so sober.

I took her through the whole sordid tale of how I’d ruined my sweet boyfriend’s life. Now that Calder knew, there didn’t seem to be much point in hiding it. I was a bad person, and maybe I should just be upfront about it. Her jaw was practically on the floor when I told her what had happened when Calder found out.

When I’d finished, Lacey let out a long breath. “Well, clearly there’s a lot to unpack here. I feel terrible for Calder, obviously. But also...”

“Okay…” I swallowed.

“I feel bad for you. I know this is a huge mess, and like I said before, you should be careful getting attached to someone like Rafe. I get why you’re drawn to him. I got caught under the same spell, too.”

I cringed.

“Guys like that…” She shook her head. “They’re not in it for the long haul. He’ll never give you stability.”

I nodded. Was stability something I wanted? Perhaps it was the unpredictability of being with Rafe that I found so attractive. Maybe I wasn’t marriage material. I had a lot to learn about myself. Despite Lacey’s perspective, though, I knew there was more to my relationship with Rafe than just a tawdry affair. I had a true connection with him, unlike Lacey who’d merely hooked up. And because of that, her assessment was biased.

“When you first told me about your obsession with your boyfriend’s friend, I didn’t know we were talking about Rafe,” she continued. “He’s not long-term material. If you take a step back and look at the situation, Talia, it seems like you should think twice about throwing away your relationship. You have an honest and attractive man who loves you, who’s even willing to consider giving you a second chance after you cheated with his best friend. If that doesn’t tell you how much Calder loves you, I don’t know what does.”

I had no doubt that Calder loved me. He’d made it clear that he wanted to marry me someday. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want a marriage and family, but what if there was something more I needed out of life? Clearly, I was willing to risk everything for the excitement of being with Rafe.

Perhaps I was better suited for life as a single person who didn’t owe anyone anything, who couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.

Lacey leaned her arms against the table. “Let me ask you this. Calder is gone now. Do you miss him?”

I exhaled. “It’s too soon to say. Things were so tense before he left that in some ways, I feel like I can breathe again. But I know I’m going to be lonely. What I miss more than anything is the life we had before this happened…before I messed it all up.”

***

Later that night, the loneliness I’d feared would come hit me full force. I tried reading a book for fun, but then there was a knock at my door.

When I checked the peephole, I saw Rafe standing there. My heart came alive. His door had been closed when I’d come home from work earlier. And he’d made it clear he did not want to see me.

I opened the door. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He flashed a slight smile.

I had to take a deep breath. His dirty-blond hair was tied back, but one curl hung lazily over his forehead. He wore a denim jacket, rolled up at the sleeves, that showcased the big, beautiful veins in his tanned forearms.

“Calder isn’t here,” I said as if it were a warning.

Maybe it was, since we couldn’t be trusted around each other.

“Yeah…” Rafe stepped inside. “He let me know he was going to London.”

“He did?”

Rafe nodded. “He called briefly to let me know he would be gone.” He cocked his head. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with him.”

My eyes fell to the floor. “He didn’t want me to. Things are still up in the air with us, and he needed to focus on work.” I left out the part where Calder was testing me to see whether I’d cheat again.

“How have you been?” he asked after a moment.

I paused, not sure whether to put on a brave face or be completely honest. “Not great. I feel lost and a bit lonely already. But that’s exactly the way I deserve to feel right now. I need to just go through this.”

“It’s definitely felt surreal around here. I’ve been thinking about you, wanting this to turn out okay.” He exhaled. “I’ve been worried about you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.”