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I rip the planks of wood off the windows with my bare hands. It takes time, splinters burrow into my fingers, but it feels wrong to do it any other way. So much was taken from me due to mastery. So much pain because of it. Sweat beads on my temples. My still damp hair clings to my neck and cheeks. With a grunt, I peel the last board away and drop it at my feet.

Through the dusty window, I see the main living room. We never used it for anything other than formal gatherings with council members, but images of Ryx chasing me through that carpeted room send me back to a time when things felt like they might be all right. I can almost hear his laugh, see the ghost of his hair billowing behind his tall frame. Against my will, I reach out like I can touch the long tresses.

No time.

I have very little of it before Matthias realizes I’ve left the estate. Pushing up the window, I haul myself up and over the ledge and inside. The stale air burns my lungs, or maybe it’s the grief of everything I’ve lost here. Patryn’s office door is missing—no lamplight from his desk or brooding alpha pouring over mysterious research. By the first seer, I know I have to hurry, but I can’t seem to move.

There’s a pressure in my chest that won’t seem to let up. I close my eyes, seeking out my guardian—the only father I know—but his presence is gone. It has been.

Stop playing with your abilities and go set the table, boy.

A broken smile curls on my face before I smother it with my palm.

Has he done well with his studies today, Saren? You’ve done so wonderful with him. I’m proud of you.

I choke.

You’re going to make a fine Maven one day. Once you get your head out of the clouds.

I drop to my knees.

I’m your guardian. It’s my job to watch over you and keep you safe. I have rules, Saren, but know that I will fulfill my role with everything in me.

“Damn it!” I smack my head, push myself up, and wipe the worthless tears from my cheeks.

No time.

Abandoning the living room, I weave through the hall and into the kitchen. It’s worse here. So much worse. I see Patryn chasing me with a dirty spatula. Ryx squealing as a handful of bubbles land on his head. Me, perched at the island watching as Ryx eats. Patryn ruffling my hair as I read a book with half a loaf of bread shoved in my face. Every memory I’ve forgotten or let rot away comes rushing back. All that life that ceases to exist because of me.

I back out of the kitchen. It’s a mistake to go upstairs, but somehow I end up climbing them anyway. My feet carry me to my old room. It’s exactly how I left it. The bed Ryx slept in is unmade, while mine is nice and tidy. As I approach my desk, I drag my fingers through years’ worth of dust. My old notebooks are stacked in a neat pile. Pencils in their holder.

“It’s better now,” Ryx says.

“I even got the ones from the basement.” I smile, gesturing to my handiwork.

“You don’t think I’m stupid, right? For…needing them?” His grey eyes flick to the numerous lamps.

My heart squeezes. “Never. The dark is a scary place. But you’re with me now. We won’t let it get you ever again.”

How did I let this happen? How did I fail them so badly? I end up in front of Ryx’s armoire. I pull open the double doors and find his grey clothes.

Grey pants. Grey shirts. I bury my face in the first one I can grab.

“Why this color?”

I don’t have the heart to tell him why. So I pick something better. “It matches your eyes.”

I claw at the hangers, throwing all the clothes to the floor in a frenzy. Ripping the two drawers out, I dump their contents too as a scream explodes out of my throat. My hand shoots out, violet energy snaking around my fingers. The beds curl in on themselves, bending at unnatural angles, pillow feathers shooting into the air. I shatter every bulb. I send my desk flying into the opposite wall. Nothing helps.

“I’m taking you with me, Saren,” Ryx says, hands tucked behind his head, eyes on the ceiling. “When I leave this place.”

“You can’t leave.”

“Of course I can. And so can you.” He glances at me. Capturing me in his stare. Convincing me with a single look.

“I…would. I would go with you.”