Page 118
His mouth curves slightly. “I’m not scheduling it.”
“You’re holding a calendar.”
“Okay, maybe I was thinking ahead.”
I pick up my wine again. “We can figure visits out later.”
“I know. I’m just trying to see where they’d fit.”
Something in my excitement shifts. “You haven’t even officially accepted the tour yet.”
His eyes leave the phone. “I’m going to.”
“Then why haven’t you?”
His expression tightens slightly. “The band has a couple of things to work out first.”
I don’t want this conversation tonight. I especially don’t want it attached to Black Fern, but suddenly I can see where we’re headed because we’ve been heading there every time we’ve talked since he found out about the tour.
He reaches for his beer and doesn’t drink from it. “I’m trying to make sure we know what this looks like before I’m gone for four months.”
“We don’t know what it looks like yet.”
“That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out.”
“No, you’re trying to figure out what my schedule looks like.”
His brows pull together. “Because your schedule is part of it.”
“It is. But whether I can get a week off in July isn’t the thing you’re actually worried about.”
He leans back against the counter. “What do you think I’m worried about?”
I look at him for a moment.
I know he’s scared. I know this isn’t manipulation or some quiet attempt to make me tell him not to go. If anything, that would be easier because I could shut it down and we’d both know what we were arguing about.
This is harder.
“You want to know that you can leave and nothing between us will change.”
He looks away. “That’s not what I said.”
“You don’t have to say it. Every conversation about the tour eventually gets here. Can I visit? How often? What if work gets busy? What if we can’t talk every night? What happens if the tour gets extended?” I keep my voice even because I’m not trying to attack him. “Every answer I give you turns into another question.”
“I’m trying to be realistic.”
“So am I.”
“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t think about this stuff.”
“I’m not saying you shouldn’t. I’m saying you keep looking at me like I can make the distance safe for you.”
His jaw shifts. “I’m not asking you to decide whether I go.”
“I know that.”
“Then what are we doing?”
