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Lance came in barefoot in a fluffy white robe, holding his phone out at arm's length like something he'd fished out of a drain.
"It's happening again."
"Good morning, Lance."
"Gregory, it's happening again." He put the phone face-up on the table and it lit up while it was sitting there. "That's the fourth message this morning. I have been welcomed repeatedly since dawn."
"To what?" said Harold.
"To the Ascent."
"What's the Ascent?" Harold asked. "Ascent doesn't sound like a bad thing."
"It's the main feed," said Blaine, sitting down. "It's Ascendant's main feed."
"You're not helping." Lance put a hand to his forehead. "Why on earth did I sign up with them last night?"
"I'm answering my father's question." Blaine was doing his best not to laugh.
"Read that one." Lance slid the phone across to me. "Out loud. I want witnesses."
So I read it out loud. "'Good morning, ascendant one. Your climb is just beginning — here's some content we've selected for you.'"
"Content they've selected." Lance closed his eyes. "For me. Jesus fu— dge. Sorry, Rhoda."
Rhoda was too busy making pancakes to notice Lance had almost cursed.
"There's a video," I said.
"I know there's a video."
"There's a man doing something to a—"
"I KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING TO IT!”
Lance took the phone back.
Rhoda put a plate in front of him. "Have you tried turning it off, dear?"
"I turned the entire telephone off, Rhoda. Do you know what happened? It came back on with a notification." He picked up a fork. "Also I can't turn my phone off, I'm an actor. There are seven people who have to be able to reach me at all times and I couldn’t tell you the name of a single one of them."
"You could delete the account," said Blaine.
"Can I?"
"There's a deletion process. It's in the account section." Blaine poured his coffee. "It takes thirty days and they email you throughout."
"THIRTY—"
"They call it a cooling period."
Lance sat down very slowly.
"For a blessing," he said.
"You're the one who joined the platform."
"I scanned a piece of paper! That’s all I did!"
