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I was dedicated at this point; positive the best course of action was to end things before they went any further. I deluded myself into thinking maybe this version of Seth was temporary and if I acted ridiculous enough I could coax the old one out and use it as an excuse to run away.
Because that’s what I really wanted under everything: to run the fuck away. I was tired, frustrated, emotional, and scared.
Shit. I was scared.
And I couldn’t seem to get a damn grip on myself. “I think we should take a break.”
Seth stared at me. And I mean he stared at me. He stared holes in me. “Because I’m in a shit mood?”
I would take anything he offered and use it at this point. I was a deer in the headlights, panic and fear had the wheel and I was just along for the ride. “We rushed into all of this because of Owen.” Seth winced at the other man’s name. “Maybe taking a break will let us both clear our heads.”
His eyes narrowed. “We just lost a big game. I’m allowed to be tired, to be pissed. You don’t like to lose, do you? Are you happy after a loss?”
“No, but this is more than a bad game.”
“Is it?” He cocked his head to the side, his eyes raking over me, trying to see inside my head and figure how and where I’d lost my mind.
I started babbling about bubbles and honeymoon periods. I rambled about being lust-blind and infatuated. I could hear myself but I couldn’t seem to stop.
“You about done?” Seth stood in the middle of this ridiculous foyer, arms crossed, one eyebrow cocked.
Rage still simmered in my veins. “Excuse me?”
He jerked his chin at me. “Are you done?”
How was he so calm? So cool? I’d been raving for minutes. Maybe half an hour. He almost looked…bored? “That’s not what you’re supposed to say.” Seth was supposed to yell back. He was supposed to lose control. He was supposed to be exhausted by my diva energy and want nothing to do with me.
He blinked. “What am I supposed to say? Are you expecting me to throw a fit?”
I blushed. “How are you so calm right now?”
He grinned. “Babe, calm is what I do. When I step up to the plate with the game on the line I’m not emotional. I’m not nervous. I’m as calm as a still-fucking-lake. It’s why I’m great.” He dragged his gaze over me, locked it with mine, and blinked.
Shit. He saw through me.
I knew it as surely as I knew my own name.
His gaze sharpened. “You’re scared.”
My heart jumped into my throat. Seth might not be nervous but I sure as hell was. “No. Yes. Maybe?” I was supposed to yell. To be dramatic. To be too much. And Seth was supposed to snap. He was supposed to want to get away from the drama like he always did.
Except he wasn’t snapping.
“Shit.” He uncrossed his arms, one going to his hair, raking through it once, then both hands went to his hips as he shot me a glare. “I want you to hear me, Annalise. I want you to hear me loud and clear. This is not a fucking bubble. You can trust me and stay or you can believe that old version of me is the only version I can be and walk away. If I wanted to play someone I sure as hell wouldn’t pick a woman so damn smart and complicated.”
He had to say that, didn’t he? I snapped. “Trust you?”
“Yeah. It’s a thing two people do when they’re in a relationship. If you don’t have it, it doesn’t work.” He flung his hand between us before returning it to his hip. “I thought it was something we had locked down.”
Even annoyed with me he was so fucking calm.
But I was a bottle of rage that had just been shaken up. “Trust? You think we,” I waved my hands between us just like he did, “have trust?”
Doubt flitted behind his gaze. “Well, yeah.”
“So you trust me enough to tell me who broke your heart? Why you became an emotional robot? Why you’ve spent the better part of decade fucking anything that moved? Oh wait, no. That’s just me. I trusted you. I gave you my secrets because I trusted you with them. But what did I get in return? Nothing!” I slashed my hand through the air.
Seth turned pale as a ghost. “Oh shit. Babe. No. I—”