Page 203

And I couldn’t shake that fear no matter how hard I tried.

“I’m still the same guy.”

His gaze was too…something, so I looked at his chest. “No you’re not. You’re quieter. Grumpier.” Not to mention there were six years I knew almost nothing about.

I tried, oh how I tried to get him to talk to me when he quit, but Everett closed me out. He stopped answering my phone calls and rarely returned my texts. After a while I decided that if he needed space, I would give him the space he needed.

Our friendship was reduced to birthday texts and holiday messages.

He still spoke to Seth from time to time, but never to me.

And that hurt. “I-I think I’m mad at you, if I’m being honest.” This was a conversation we should have had months ago when I took the job that brought me to Tampa, the docuseries Taking Tampa, about the women’s soccer team that Annalise played on.

Instead, we smiled, acted like nothing was different. But it was so different. Everett looked at me like I was a stranger. He pulled me into hugs and joked around, but it all felt more like he was pretending instead of actually being himself.

That had to be why I was nervous around him. That, and I was scared he’d shut me out again.

“I deserve that.” Everett always had a deep voice, but it was rougher now. Even more rough with this conversation. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Then why did you stop talking to me? How else did you think I’d feel?”

He tipped his head back and looked up at the sky. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “In my twisted-up mind I was protecting you, Willa. I was a fucking mess.”

“I understood. At first.” But then months became years.

Yeah, I was pissed.

To my surprise, Everett wrapped his big pitcher's hands around my biceps, sending a jolt of electricity through me.

That’s new.

“Look at me,” he demanded.

I had to take a deep breath to keep from shivering.

When he had my attention he dipped his chin. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. To us. Our friendship is one of—no fuck that—it’s the most important thing in the world to me. I fucked it up because I was fucked up, and the longer we went apart the more I started to think you were better off without me. I wasn’t the guy you used to know anymore. You’re right, I am grumpier. I’m more cynical. For a long time I was angry at the world. The last thing I wanted to do was infect your life with the shit from mine.”

Somehow his apology made me angrier. “So instead you took away something precious to me.”

He slowly closed his eyes. “Fuck.”

I hated that he hurt so much he locked himself away. But I hated even more that he didn’t allow me the courtesy of trying to be his friend through it all. I even went to the island once. Flew all the way across the country in a grand gesture of friendship, only to have his mother tell me he was out of town when I knew full well he wasn’t.

“You don’t get to choose what I do with my life, Everett. You have to let me be your friend when it’s convenient and when it’s not. How would you feel if I decided to push you away because I had problems at work?”

He stared at me for a long time. It was hard not to fall into the depths of his hazel eyes—a thought that had never once occurred to me until a few weeks ago.

“Willa, I know this sounds shitty, but please don’t compare what I did in the past with anything we might do in the future. I swear I’m better than that now.” His fingers tightened on my arms.

It was a complicated time in his life. I knew that. Knew how easily Everett spiraled when things went wrong. That was why I tried so hard to get through to him. To remind him that there were other things, other people, outside of his troubles.

And I had no doubt the experience taught him a lot about himself. “Promise me.”

His brows furrowed. “Promise you what?”

“That you’ll never shut me out again. If you’re so different and you want me to believe the future will be different, promise me.”

He shrugged. “I promise. That’s easy. I know I’d rather let you see me suffer than be miserable and alone ever again. You’re my best friend and I need you.”