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Cass interrupts my train of thought, his voice snappy and stern. “Then you fight, Em! It’s like you’ve completely given up. You’re just walking through life completely numb, you have to keep fighting!” he shouts in pure frustration.

“You don’t think I know that? I’ve been fighting since I was sixteen years old Cass! Non-stop fighting just to have a life, even if it is filled with grief and sorrow. I’m still here fighting! I will constantly have to fight because there is no end to this Cass, unless…” I don’t finish the thought, it’s too dark to voice out loud.

Both of them have the same expressions on their faces, utter devastation. They know what I was going to say. Cara is sobbing now and Cass looks like he could break something.

“Don’t. You. Dare. Don’t even think it. How could you think it, with everything that happened with your mother and Thea. You are so angry with Thea for leaving you, how do you think we would feel if you left us Em?” he choked. He is close to breaking, just like I am, his hands are shaking and he’s fighting the tears in his eyes.

“I will never forgive you Emilia, if you do that. I would be so angry with you for leaving us in this world without you. I swear to you, if you ever…” Cara sobs and that’s when I break completely.

The tears are tracking down my face and the choked whimpers won’t stop. I am a broken shell. Even with the love of my friends, even with the feelings Kade pulls from me, I’m still broken and numb most of the time I’m awake. The truth is, I don’t want to leave this world, there is still so much I want to do. I want to travel, I want to experience love, to marry, to have my own children, but above all I want vengeance. I want retribution for my mother and for Thea. My family wouldn’t be this way if it weren’t for Satan incarnate. The sheer will of my wrath is keeping me afloat.

“You both know me, you know I wouldn’t do that to you. I’ll keep fighting just like I always have. I’m just tired and exhausted. Is it ever going to end?” The question is rhetorical, but deep down I want an answer to it.

“Have you considered telling Kade? I really think he could help Em. After what I saw at the club, he wants you, he cares about you.”

“Oh please, Cass, he just wants to fuck me, that’s all that was. We were putting on a show to get rid of the guards, it was nothing more than a ruse.” I brush it off like it was nothing but it wasn’t nothing, it was everything.

Cara rolls her eyes at me and scoffs “Oh my God, we’ve known you for six years, are you really going to lie to us?” I don’t answer her, I have nothing to say, so she continues “He sees a lot more than you think. I heard Cyrus talking to Kade the other day about you. They’re digging into something Em, you need to bring them in on this. You need to be the one to tell them.”

Shit, this is the last thing I need. I can’t have them digging into things until I’m ready. Another fight I’m going to have to deal with. My life is just one big battle, never ending, loss after loss. I have to keep going, for the sake of my friends, for vengeance for the family I lost.

EMILIA

9 Years Earlier

After two years of hell, I got up this morning and decided enough was enough. Thea killed herself because of what he had done to her, she couldn’t live with it, it was eating her alive and none of us saw it. I should have seen it, I was her sister, I knew her like nobody else did.

I am going to fight back. I can’t let him touch me, claim me, bruise me anymore. I am not this type of person to lay there and take it, but that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’d given up, but no more. I’m going to fight back, if not for me, for Thea.

I’ve been taking martial arts classes for the last year as well as self-defence and weapons classes. I could always shoot a gun thanks to my father, but I’d never been able to carry one around with me, so I have to rely on my body.

I don’t go in the basement anymore, my once sanctuary is now my own personal hell. I thought if I didn’t go there, he wouldn’t be able to hurt me anymore, but I was wrong. He comes into my room when he knows there won’t be anyone to hear my screams. Tonight is going to be different. Tonight I’m going to fight back, he will not touch me again.

Just like clockwork, I hear my door creak open at around midnight. I hear his footsteps, loud and clunky, not a care in the world if he’s heard by anyone. He is in complete control and he knows it. Nobody hears my screams when this happens. Nobody ever comes for me. If this is to end, it’s by my hand and mine alone.

The mattress sinks underneath his weight when he climbs atop it. He doesn’t know I’m awake. He doesn’t know I’ve been awake most nights since I was fourteen, since he took from me, from my sister. I don’t think, I act. I kick out of the duvet and land a kick to his face. He stumbles backwards and I spring for him. I push the palm of my hand into his nose causing it to break, blood spurts from it and I grin with pure satisfaction.

“You bitch! You’ll pay for that!” he spits mucus mixed with his own blood onto my floor.

“I swear to you that this will be the experience every time you come for me. You will not touch me again. You will not look at me again. You will not speak to me again. I will make sure your life is a living hell if you do any of those things again.” I command. It’s then I realise, I might have made a mistake. He flashes a devilish smile at me.

“Oh my pet, you’ve just made this a lot more interesting. Maybe I will enjoy you more than your sister after all.” He turns and walks out of my bedroom chuckling.

I’ve made a huge mistake. I’ve made this more enjoyable for him. I’ve provided him with a challenge. I fought back thinking this would all end, but maybe I should have just taken it and he would have gotten bored. I read him completely wrong.

I’ve just enticed a predator. I can’t breathe, my lungs are restricting, my chest is heaving, I can’t inhale the air. He’s taken everything from me. Annihilated my entire existence. He’s taken my virginity, my sleep and my sanctuary. I’ll never feel safe again.

I’ve never had a panic attack before but I think this is it. I feel like all the oxygen has been taken from the atmosphere, my vision is blurry and I feel as though I might vomit up everything in my stomach.

I try to think of Thea, how she loved to pick flowers and make little daisy chains. How her laugh was so infectious, you couldn’t help but laugh along with her, even if you didn’t know why. She is where I get my love of books. She told me it was an escape from reality. She would read to me at night when I couldn’t sleep. Her smile was enough to calm me.

I picture her smiling down on me and that’s enough for me to slow my breathing. I can almost hear her voice, it’s obviously in my head, but I swear she is saying, “Keep fighting.” It’s exactly what I need to hear. I will keep fighting. I told him he would never touch me again and I meant every word.

If he enjoys it, then fine, but he will never take from me again. He always said to me he doesn’t believe in drugging because it takes all the fun away from it, he enjoys the fight. At least I know I don’t have to worry about being drugged. I will always be ready for him. I won’t lay there and take it anymore. I will fight back.

He wants a fighter, he’s going to get one. He underestimates what I’m capable of even before I trained. I’m stubborn and determined, I will get what I want and if that’s freedom, I will have it.

He doesn’t know darkness like I do. I live in it, I embrace it and I have become it for the last three years of my life. It comforts me when I need it. He may be the devil and he may have broken me, but broken pieces can be remade, remoulded, reshaped. I will become something better, lethal and dangerous. He will not see it coming and it will come even if it takes me years to accomplish, the darkness will take him, I will send him back to hell.