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“You’re projecting. God, no. There’s nobody else. There has never been anybody else. I don’t even have friends, Evan. You were the only—” I make myself stop. “I put you first.” I laugh through my tears. “I’m at this fucking school because you wanted to go here. How could you ask that?”
He doesn’t say anything.
I continue without stopping, “Don’t text me.”
He asks, “For how long?”
I swallow. “I don’t know.”
“Ky.” He breathes out, and it shakes on the way. “Fuck. Kylie, I’m sorry. I love you.”
I don’t say anything. Neither of us hangs up. I sit on the floor with my knees against my chest and listen to him breathe, three years of my life on the other end of a phone, and neither of us can be the one to end the call.
“Bye, Kylie,” he says finally.
“Bye.”
I hang up first. The phone drops to the carpet, and I squeeze my knees and cry into my sleeves until I can’t anymore. I gave everything to someone who threw it away for attention. I thought I’d chosen a good man to spend my life with, and he took it for granted.
The door opens, and Tessa comes in with two cups and one headphone still in. She doesn’t look at my face. She sets one cup on the floor next to my leg, goes to her bed, sits down, and picks her book back up.
It’s a vanilla milkshake with crushed Oreos on top and a whole one balanced on the rim.
I cry harder, because it’s the nicest and most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I pick it up and wipe my cheeks. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
I drink it on the floor between my bed and the wall, with my eyes swollen and my throat aching, and at some point, I glance over at her. She looks at me over the top of her book and gives me a small, gentle smile, and I give one back.
I don’t hear from him all the next day. It’s what I asked for, and it’s still the strangest day I’ve had in three years. I keep reaching for my phone at the times I’d normally tell him something: walking out of my nine-thirty, standing in line for coffee, when I’m feeling sad. I put the phone back in my pocket.
Me: What is everyone doing?
Kenzie: In class.
Paige: Kylie, are you single yet?
Me: Yeah.
Paige: I’m screaming.
I smile.
Paige: Pregame in 412 Saturday at 8.
Bianca: Bring clothes options!
Kenzie: And snacks!
Me: I’ll be there.
I read it three times and feel almost normal. Then I put my phone down and go to class, and I don’t cry all day. I count that as a win.
On Saturday, I ask Tessa again. She’s at her desk with her laptop open when I come out of the bathroom with my hair half done and one eye’s worth of makeup on.
“Come with me tonight.”
“No, thanks.”