Page 35

Okay, so now I was blatantly lying to him, just as I’d lied to my doctor. Because there was at least one other thing that I wanted. I just didn’t want to admit it out loud. And certainly not to a priest. It was bad enough I’d just come out to him, not that he seemed surprised. In fact, it was pretty clear he already knew.

“Is there something about me…” I trailed off, not sure I even wanted to know the answer to the unasked question.

“Not especially,” he assured me, clearly picking up what I was reluctant to lay down. “But I’ve counseled thousands of young men over my many years with the clergy, Mr. Simpson. I wouldn’t be very good at my job if I couldn’t recognize struggles.”

That was fair. He’d probably heard a lot worse than what I was struggling with, and his matter-of-fact attitude about it was a relief as well. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if he took a hard line against sexuality and decided to kick me out of school for confirming my truth to him.

“It’s getting late. So I’ll leave you with this. You don’t have to be a priest to become a religious scholar,” he reminded me gently. “You don’t have to be religious to be a religious scholar. I know plenty of atheists that can go toe-to-toe with priests, rabbis and monks. Like I said, you have years yet to decide what to do with your life, Mr. Simpson. So do not believe that your options are limited based on what you thought your life was going to be like. There are no original stories…but the endings are always up to us.” He gave me a soft smile. “Also, keep in mind that even if you do decide the priesthood is where you belong, you are not a priest yet.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said, standing up again and carrying my mug to the sink. “I appreciate your time tonight.”

“As I told you, I am always here for you,” he assured me. “Now go home and get some of your own work completed tonight. Your place at this school is only secure if you put in the effort.”

“Yes, sir.” I gave him a weak smile before leaving.

He’d certainly given me a lot to think about. Especially his parting words about the fact that I wasn’t a priest yet.

All saints have a past, after all.

Chapter Nineteen

~Trevor~

“Hix! Tafta! What the fuck is wrong with you two?” Coach Tine bellowed as practice came to a close.

It was a fair question. Mark and I hadn’t been able to connect on a single route all night. I was throwing like shit and Mark practically refused to look at me, let alone track where I was aiming.

The rest of the team trudged back to the locker room, every single one of them throwing a dirty look at me as they passed, and I couldn’t blame them. It had been a colossal waste of time to be out in the dark and the cold, and it was all because of me.

“I don’t care what’s going on between you,” Tine said coldly, looking between me and Mark. “But fix it before Saturday.”

He stalked off as well, leaving Mark and I to clean up the field, clearly as punishment for our piss-poor performance.

“What is your problem?” I asked Mark as I unlocked the wheels on the tackle dummies and started to push them toward the stands. “I know you don’t like Andy, though I can’t imagine why. You don’t even know him. But you’ve had a bug up your ass about me working with him since it started.”

“I just don’t get it,” Mark admitted, collecting the practice balls in his arms before dumping them in the bin. “You fucking hated that kid in high school and now you’re all over him. You went to church with him for God’s sake.”

“He asked,” I said with a shrug. “It’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it, man. High school was a long time ago. I grew up. You should try it.”

“Oh fuck off,” he snapped. “Seriously, are you into him or something?”

It was the second time he’d asked me that and I just couldn’t figure out how that was any of his business or why he’d care.

“What would you do if I said yes?” I challenged, turning back to him and crossing my arms over my chest. “You just going to hate me if I decide I like dudes?”

“No!” he insisted. “But last I knew you were straighter than a goddamned arrow. So if you’re suddenly sucking dick, why wouldn’t it occur to you to talk to me about it?”

“You want to talk about blowjobs?” My brow furrowed as I stared at him. “Are you into me?”

“What? No!” He groaned and scrubbed a hand through his hair in clear frustration. “I just want you to talk to me, man. You’re supposed to be my best friend. Friends don’t keep secrets.”

That was almost fair. Except this wasn’t just about my secret. I couldn’t tell Mark what happened because it involved someone else. Someone who, as far as I knew, wasn’t openly gay around campus.

I didn’t even know how Mark had figured it out, to be honest. Yeah, Andy and I were spending time together. But it was a huge leap for someone to go from watching us study to assuming we were fucking.

Which we weren’t.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I’ve never sucked a dick.” Which was the truth. “Never fucked a guy or been fucked by a guy.” Also true. “Not that it’s any of your business. You don’t tell me about the girls you’re banging, and I don’t want to know.” I blew out a sigh. “I don’t want to fight about this. But Andy is my friend. And if that’s going to be a problem for you, then it’s going to be a big fucking problem for me.”