Page 19

Hunter, along with the letter from Logan, became a lingering thought as I drifted back into a deep sleep, wishing this hangover away.

At my age, most of my friends had families or a partner to spend their free time with on the weekends. I, on the other hand, was pacing the marble floors in my big ass empty house, contemplating the pros and cons of going back to The Royale Room.

Was it too soon?

Should I text her first to see where her head was at?

Maybe what I needed was some advice first. Someone to tell me I’m not a complete and total moron.

Before I sent her an impulsive text, I pulled up the message thread between me and Carter instead.

Me: I’m going out of my mind, man.

Honestly, it seemed damn near impossible to figure out what I wanted these days. I tried to convince myself that all I wanted was Andi’s company. Her in my bed and that’s it.

But I couldn’t shake the idea that she was the type of girl that you would fall for. She would be a hell of a good time, but deep down, she was more than that. Andi wasn’t the type of girl I just wanted to use to keep the horny bachelor in me happy or to help me forget my shitty past of the one and only relationship I’d ever been open enough to have.

Thinking of all the different outcomes of getting to know Andi tossed my mind into a time in my life when I last entertained a relationship. I swore to myself when it all went south that I would never dabble in anything serious again. After years of pulling myself out of a hole I never thought I’d survive, I refused to let anyone slither their way into my life again.

So, why was it that I kept finding Andi right at the front and center of my mind?

With just enough time to spiral in the slightest, my phone dinged with a response. Before checking it, my chest pinched with hope that it was Andi texting me first. But of course, it was my best friend calling me out on my shit instead.

Carter: What’s up? The stripper giving you hell?

Me: The stripper’s name is Andi. And technically, yeah. She just doesn’t know it.

Carter: You try reaching out to her?

Me: I’ve been thinking about it, but my head is spinning…

Heart to heart talks didn’t come naturally to me. It’s something I’d worked on in therapy off and on for years now, expressing myself to the people I’m closest to. Communicating better and not expecting people to be able to read my mind when I was going through something internally.

Carter was the one person who understood it all. He was my sound board for moments like these.

Adding to my thoughts before he could respond, I pressed send on another text.

Me: I’m torn between how it would feel to be rejected by the first woman I’ve been interested in since Sarah and the feeling of if I even deserve to have someone in my life or not.

Me: All of this is just out of my comfort zone, and I don’t know how to handle it.

Placing my phone on the counter, I rubbed the temples of my head, willing my mind to figure it all out.

Carter: The way I see it, both options suck. Rejection isn’t easy … but being alone can be far more damaging.

As I considered both options in my mind, weighing each one, Carter sent another message.

Carter: Putting yourself out there after all these years is going to be hard. Especially if you’re looking to actually connect with this girl and not just fuck her. What do you have to lose, man? If she rejects you, you either try again and show her just how persistent you can be, or you give up and at least you got some ass out of it.

I think I knew all along I was going to shoot my shot with Andi without a care in the world about her rules. Hearing Carter give me the extra push was exactly what I needed.

Me: Fuck. You’re right. Per usual. Here goes nothing.

Carter: Atta boy.

Forcing myself to stay at home and not make any impulsive decisions, I locked myself in my study with the fireplace lit and a gin and tonic to keep me from driving.

Instead of catching her off guard again by showing up at her work, maybe a text would be a better place to start.