Page 44

There were so many nights that we spent hiding under the covers, talking about how one day we’d get out of the small town we were raised in. We were going to start over, break the cycle, and never turn back.

It was moments like those that I felt the safest. Mom and Dad could be screaming their heads off with a wall between us, but with Logan by my side it didn’t matter.

“Logan was still figuring himself out, but with me, I had dance. Dance was my escape. It was a reason to smile on a hard day. Dance was who I was. In those late-teen years, he started asking me more often to go to parties with him. At first, I went once or twice, but I never felt comfortable. I felt like a wallflower or a stranger in someone else’s home. And it didn’t help that I hated to see who he was becoming. So, every waking moment, I stuck to the plan. I danced until I couldn’t feel my feet anymore.”

My smile turned a little bit less sad as I let the memories flood my mind of the happier times. The moments I felt so alive standing in front of that mirror, nailing a jump or movement that I’d been working on over and over again.

It never got old—that rewarding feeling of being one step closer to getting out.

“There was an old dance studio in town. I couldn’t afford to attend classes with a proper teacher, but I slid in one evening after a class had wrapped, and I asked the owner if I could work in exchange for her help. I’d been let down enough in my life that the last thing I expected her to say was ‘yes.’”

My smile grew.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than your smile when you talk about dance.” Hunter lifted my chin and kissed me softly on the forehead. “Okay, continue.”

The pace of my heartbeat picked up, and I didn’t know if it was because of how his simple little compliment made me want to stay in this moment forever, or if it was because I was two seconds away from letting my smile fade when I finished telling him the story.

“Mrs. Swan was my hero. I kept the dance studio clean in exchange for some private time to dance my heart out. Sometimes I’d even get lucky, and as she was finishing paperwork, she’d pop in and give me some pointers.”

The happiness began to fade when I thought about how it all came to an end for me.

“I danced day in and day out for years, becoming the best possible version of myself. I lived to dance and looked forward to finishing school just so I could run over to the studio and clean toilets to earn my way. Because if I learned anything from all the hard work I put in, it was that if you truly wanted something in life, you’d have to work for it. So, when I finally landed a virtual audition with the best dance school in Southern California, I felt like I was on cloud fucking nine. I was finally getting this opportunity that I had worked so hard for. That I earned.”

Hunter squeezed my arm, as if he was silently telling me he was proud of me for a time in my life that seemed like it belonged to someone else at this point.

“Mrs. Swan loaned me a video camera and told me when I was ready to record my audition, that she’d watch it over to make sure it was absolutely perfect. So, I held on to that camera, kept it with me everywhere I went, and protected it with my life. That camera was my golden ticket. But one night, Logan came home from a party absolutely wasted. I don’t know what started it, but he got mad at me because I’d been so sucked into dance and rejecting opportunities to spend time with him and his new friends. He refused to see my side of things; he wouldn’t listen to me when I told him he was becoming the type of person that we’d spent our entire lives hating.”

Instead of swallowing the memory of what came next, I let it out, even though the taste of each word felt foreign. I’d only ever told this story once, and it was to Peyton shortly after I moved here.

“Logan went on a rampage. Drunkenly, he started throwing things around, breaking them one by one. My backpack was the closest thing to him, so he used the handle to slam it into the ground as an outlet for his anger.”

He could have broken anything he wanted, but my future was locked up in that backpack.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to wish away the memory.

“Was the camera in there?” Hunter whispered.

“He shattered it. I told Mrs. Swan the truth—well … mostly. I told her I had an accident. I worked it off because I felt absolutely awful that she loaned me an expensive camera and trusted me with it. I didn’t have the heart to ask her if she had another one. I missed video auditions and reached out to the school to find out if there was any other way I could still audition. My only other option was to fly to California for an in-person tryout in the fall. It worked out to where I’d be eighteen, in the beginning of senior year, and the audition was on a weekend. I had time to figure out how to pay for a plane ticket, and I was determined not to let this opportunity slip through my fingers again.”

“Let me guess … Somehow, he fucked that up for you, too?” Hunter sighed.

My head hung low, as if I was right back in that tiny trailer home, realizing that getting out was about to be harder than I ever imagined.

“When I wasn’t dancing, I worked at an ice cream shop in town. I made it my mission to save every penny I could. The closer it got to auditions, I picked up more shifts. I worked so hard that I’d saved up enough for a hotel stay, my plane ticket, and a new outfit so I could feel my best. All the cash was stuffed under my mattress, or so I thought, because the day I went to finally create a bank account and deposit it all in order to book my travels, every dollar was missing.”

Tearing myself away from Hunter, I rolled onto my back, covering my face.

“Hey…” Hunter’s hand touched mine, trying his best to pry my fingers away from my face.

“I’m sorry, this is actually so lame of me,” I mumbled from underneath my hands.

“Andi, look at me.”

Giving in to his request, I peeked through my fingers.

“Your brother was your best friend, and he got in the way of your dreams when he should have been supporting you every step of the way. There isn’t anything lame about that.”

There was so much more to Hunter than I ever realized. It was moments like this where he had me wondering why I ever had such strict boundaries for myself in the first place. He made it so easy for my walls to drop and for me to throw my rules right out the window.