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When he sat down, he took a walk down memory lane to the night of the video. The night I had only my point of view and desperately wanted to know what had been going through his head.

“I was just as caught off guard as you were, Andi. Trust me, if I knew I was going to come across a video one day with Sarah’s goodbye message on it, there wasn’t a part of me that wanted that moment to be with you or anyone, for that matter. That’s an experience I always would have wanted to live through alone—ideally, a long ass time ago.” He rubbed his palms along his jeans and eventually leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.

“You didn’t deserve to have to watch me take that in.”

Knowing I was practically interrupting him, I didn’t care. I needed him to know…

“I know you may not have wanted me there for that moment given how deeply personal it was, but when I watched you lose yourself in front of my eyes, all I wanted was to reach out and make sure you were okay.”

Water started to fill my eyes, the hurt and pain I felt for him that night coming back to me.

“Please, don’t cry, Andi.” He reached out and brushed his thumb along my palm, only causing me to become more emotional.

“I can’t help it. I’ve been sick over the fact that you had to live through that and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to make it better.” With my free hand, I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. “The pain eats me alive inside knowing that what I feel for you and what you feel for me can never compare to you and Sarah, but I’d live through the agony every damn day for the rest of my life if I knew you were okay.”

Fuck, it was all coming out like word vomit. I was spiraling.

I tried my best to prepare myself for this moment. The moment when we were bound to run into each other at work and finally exchange a few words. Naturally, everything I’d told myself to do went straight out the window the moment I laid eyes on him.

Remain calm. Allow him to speak. Do not let your emotions take over.

But here we were.

Reaching over the table, Hunter swiped his thumbs along both cheeks, creating a barrier so the tears would stop falling. But all his close proximity did was cause me to cry even more.

So, you know what? Fuck this. I had every right to allow my emotions to take over. For days now I’d been heartbroken, and I deserved to get some of these feelings off my chest.

“I … I just miss you so much.” I wept into his hands, fully giving up on trying to hide how heartbroken I really was.

“Andi…” His hands dropped from my face before he stood up and sat next to me, the heat of him even closer than it was before. “I miss you so much it fucking pains me to know you’ve been hurting like this all because I didn’t handle things in the way I should have. I know I should have done better.”

He brought my head to his chest where the fast pace of his heart beating soothed me. As he ran his fingers through my hair, the feeling of ease that came along with being next to him washed over me. But the words to tell him how I really felt were sitting on the tip of my tongue just waiting to fall.

“I missed you. Every day. You left me in the dark and didn’t think twice about letting more and more time pass by that we didn’t speak.” Gaining the confidence to look him in the eye, I straightened my shoulders and put my foot down so he could feel the wrath that had been brewing inside of me.

“You made me believe we had this once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. You pulled me in and made me feel safe like I never had before, but you also broke my heart the way you went about everything, Hunter.” I stood up, pacing the linoleum flooring like I did every time I had too many thoughts circulating in my brain. “I waited for you to change your mind. I sat outside in my car when you kicked me out and wished for you to open the door. To apologize and invite me back inside and let me all the way into your life. I deserve a man who will need me as much as I need him and not discard me when times get too tough. That’s not how relationships are supposed to work.”

My hands fell to my side in a sign of hopelessness as I panted through the tears and heavy breaths. Each word came tumbling out of my mouth as if I’d rehearsed it every day since he left. And somehow, the tables had turned. There was Hunter who was once married, and me who had never taken relationships seriously, yet here I was the one giving relationship advice.

“I fucked up, Andi. I’m not perfect, but I want to learn how to be perfect for you.”

Hunter sat slouched in the chair across from me, and all I could see was a sad man filled with regret who had been put through the ringer. He’d put himself through it, and I didn’t need to add to it.

“Please, hear me out,” he whispered, reaching out his hand for me to sit on his lap.

Like a lawn chair, I fucking folded. I’d been dying to hear him out since this all went down, and even if he hurt me, it didn’t change the way I felt about him. If he was willing to talk, I couldn’t afford to spend more time shutting down like I would have chosen to do before I met Hunter.

So, I sat by his side, laying my head on his shoulder and waited for him to start talking.

“When I heard Sarah talk, I had more thoughts running through my head than I could have ever imagined. It felt like being transported back in time, except even though I was in the head space of feeling like I’d just found out she died, I was still stuck in present time. I was in limbo, because even though it felt like being thrown into the past, I’d forgotten what her voice sounded like. Being around you, I’d forgotten how empty and depleting it felt to have gone through everything I had in my past. And then I was filled with guilt.”

His chest inflated as he took a deep breath.

“Guilt that I’d been so happy that I was starting to forget her. Guilt that I should have been a better husband. That I should have been better at being there for her. That I shouldn’t have been so encompassed in hockey that I let her mental health slide through my fingertips. Guilt that I’d moved on and let another woman finally steal my heart.”

Did I hear that right? I’d stolen his heart?

Remaining quiet, I continued to listen.