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I sat back down and stared into nothingness, letting numbness settle over me while their voices blurred together around me.

“Are you okay, Sunshine?” Helion said quietly before taking a sip of his drink.

“I’m fine,” I whispered, the lie tasting bitter in my mouth.

“Lyra?” Rythos asked, concern filling his voice. Both of them pressed against the bond, but I refused to let them in. “What is wrong?”

Solas coughed, slurring an unfinished insult before he fell off the side of the barrel, hitting the deck with a heavy crash.

“Solas?” Aldric asked, each syllable dragging as if his tongue was too heavy to move. He frowned at his cup, managing half a curse before his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell forwards.

Helion stared at me. Understanding sharpened his eyes a heartbeat before his body betrayed him.

“Sunshine…” The word broke somewhere between accusation and heartbreak. His knees hit the floor with a loud crack that made me wince. “What the fuck have you done?”

He slumped sideways, and I swallowed the sob that crawled up my throat.

“Why?” Rythos breathed, reaching for me as he tried to stand, shadows trembling uselessly around his fingers.

I wrapped my arm around his side as his weight sagged into me, my knees nearly buckling beneath the sudden heaviness of him.

“Easy,” I whispered, tightening my hold as I lowered us both carefully towards the deck.

His legs gave way before we reached it, and I went down with him, guiding his head against my shoulder instead of letting him fall.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, pressing his palm against my cheek as I cradled him there.

I brushed my lips against his before pressing my forehead against his.

“I wish it didn’t have to be like this. In another life, I would have infinite time with you. But I broke the world, broke you. My life for all of yours is the easiest choice I will ever make.”

Tears streamed down my face as I crawled to where Helion lay beside him, brushing the brown waves back from his forehead.

Unconsciousness had softened every sharp, sarcastic edge of him, leaving his face strangely peaceful and beautiful.

“I won’t give you those three little words you crave while you cannot hear them. I’m not that cruel.” My fingers lingered against his jaw before drifting lower. “But you’ll find them in the ocean breeze. In the waves breaking against the shoreline. In every place the sea touches the sun.” I spread my palm over his chest, directly above where my locket lay buried beneath his skin. “And here,” I breathed. “You’ll always find them here.”

My hand slipped from his chest and into the pocket of his trousers, fingers closing around the hilt of his dagger.

I stood, looking anywhere but at the leather sheath containing the weapon I would use to end my life.

Ignoring the grief carving its way through my chest, I sucked in a fractured breath and forced myself to walk to Solas.

“Look after them for me, Solas,” I whispered towards the first real friend I had ever had. “They’re going to need you.”

I looked towards Aldric. For a moment, I simply stared at him.

At the brother who had infuriated me, protected me, failed me, and somehow still followed me to the edge of the world.

I cupped his face in my hand, my thumb brushing once over his cheek.

“I love you, brother,” I whispered. “Remember to dance at my funeral.”

These were small, pathetic goodbyes offered to men who would wake to find nothing of me left but an empty cup and broken promises.

Tears streamed down my face as I walked to the railing, refusing to look over my shoulder at what I was leaving behind.

I climbed over the rail, watching the angry swell rise and fall, white caps cresting and crashing.