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I hold on to that thought as the evening settles in around us, but another one keeps working its way in, harder to ignore with every passing hour. Livia hasn’t asked about Tilly. Not how she’s doing. Not whether she’s happy. Nothing.
I tell myself it could just be the guilt. Maybe she’s too afraid to ask. Still, the absence of any acknowledgement of her daughter gnaws at me. After everything we’ve talked about tonight, after all the tears and apologies, I would’ve expected just one whispered, how is she?
It never comes. Even when it’s obvious Tilly isn’t here, spending the night with Jax and Soph, Livia says nothing. She has to know, but she doesn’t ask.
That silence hurts as much as everything else, if not more.
28
OLLIE
Like with every other holiday, the Fourth of July has been something I have enjoyed more as an adult. Growing up in foster care meant celebrations depended entirely on which house we happened to be in. Some years there were sparklers, cheap hot dogs and adults pretending they were doing something special for us. Other years it was only another hot summer evening with the windows open, the TV too loud and fireworks cracking in the distance, close enough to hear but too far away to see.
This year the annual celebration is special, because for the first time in a long while, there's something worth celebrating. Chase is arriving any minute and Livia is safely in the guest room. Our current situation isn’t perfect by any means, but it doesn’t have to be for us to enjoy the holiday. I only wish Peyton could be here, but Jax and Soph picked her up when they brought Tilly back home an hour ago. It’ll do Peyton good to be with our friends for the holidays.
My niece stretches out on the play mat in the living room, kicking her little legs. “You ready to meet your Uncle Chase?” I ask, crouching next to her.
Tilly answers with a yawn and blinks up at me with those big blue eyes that still catch me off guard sometimes. They’re so much like mine, like Livia’s and Chase’s too. It’s strange, seeing our family reflected back at me in someone so small and new. All the history we carry, all the ways we’ve hurt and healed, and she’s here; this bright, beautiful piece of us untouched by any of the past.
“I’ll pretend that was excitement,” I tell Tilly, fixing the red bow on top of her head that Livia wanted her to wear today. “Don’t worry. Uncle Chase will be excited enough for both of you.”
A gentle knock sounds from the front door before I manage to say anything else. I smile before I even stand. Only one person knocks like he’s worried the door might take it personally if he hits too hard.
“Coming,” I call.
By the time I open the door, Chase is shifting his weight on the landing with a duffel bag hanging from his shoulder. His dark blond hair falls messily over his forehead. For a second, all I can do is stare at my little brother. I saw him not that long ago, but every time he shows up, he looks older. More like the man he’s becoming and less like the kid I used to sneak extra snacks to when our foster parents weren’t looking. He’s still my baby brother, though. Always will be.
“Hey, bro,” Chase says, his eyes shining. “Heard there'd be free food and unlimited baby cuddles.”
“Glad I made the list.”
“Eventually you would have.”
That’s all either of us gets out before I pull him into a tight hug. Chase makes a surprised grunt, but returns the embrace, one arm locking around me. I close my eyes, breathing through the familiar ache inside me. There are a thousand things I want to say to him. I’m so proud of you. I missed you. I’m sorry for all the times I couldn’t protect you. Thank fuck you’re here. I love you.
Instead, I pat his back and say, “You got bigger. What are they feeding you at Heartland?”
He laughs against my shoulder. “You say that every time.”
“Because you keep growing like a weed.”
Chase pulls back, rolling his eyes, but there’s a hint of smile on his face. “I missed you too, asshole.”
“Language. There’s a baby present.”
“Like you’re the one to talk,” Chase comments, searching over my shoulder. “Where is our niece?”
I put a hand over my chest. “So you truly didn’t come to see me?”
“I’ve seen your ugly face enough.”
“Rude, but fair.”
I step aside to let him in and he drops his bag next to the hallway closet. The moment he spots Tilly, the change in him is instant. His shoulders drop and the teasing grin fades as he stares at her.
“There she is. Fuck, Ollie, she’s beautiful,” he breathes, the words awed.
“Don’t I know it.”
