Page 11

It broke another piece of me when I was kicked out of our last shared foster home at the start of my senior year. And there was nothing I could do to fix it. No way to watch over or keep my siblings safe. I still blame myself for everything that followed. Livia started drinking more and skipping school to hang out with the wrong crowd. Sure, her foster parents played their part in the events, but I can’t shake the feeling that my expulsion was the spark that lit the fire.

I left for Omaha after graduation, convinced I needed to get on my feet before bringing Chase and Livia to live with me. Six months later, I fought for custody but lost based on some bullshit evidence and polished-up character statements that counted for more than the sibling bond. I wasn’t allowed to see them for months after. Those months changed everything—Livia started smoking weed and it didn’t take long for her to explore other drugs. And her foster parents did absolutely nothing. It was a damn shit show.

These days, Chase is doing well. Better than well, honestly. I’m so proud of that kid. He’s got one more year before he graduates, and he’s currently doing his second internship.

Chase: Has Livia replied yet?

Ollie: No

Chase: Fuck, I’m so worried about her

Ollie: Same, but there’s not much else we can do

Chase: It still sucks. How’s Tilly?

Ollie: She’s being fed, changed and cuddled regularly. As far as I can tell, that’s enough for her right now.

Chase: It still sucks that you have to be responsible for her

How do I explain that I don’t feel the same? That yeah, our current situation is less than ideal. None of this is how life is supposed to be. But there isn’t another option. You don’t get to choose the easy version when it comes to family. Not when Tilly and Livia need me.

Ollie: Do you remember what I taught you about family when you were little?

Chase: You mean when you made me watch Lilo & Stitch?

Ollie: Exactly. I know our mother, sperm donors and sister aren’t showing the meaning of ohana, but we can’t forget it. Taking care of Tilly is tough, but I wouldn’t change a thing because I love and care about her.

Chase: Should I come to New York? I can help out.

Ollie: Nope. You need to focus on your internship until your long weekend off.

Chase: Yes, daddy

Chase: Will Tilly call you daddy or uncle when she grows up??

Chase: At least I’ll be her uncle no matter what

Ollie: Tilly can call me whatever she wants if she stays with me for longer

Chase: You really think Livia will get her shit together and come get her kid?

That’s the burning question. An optimistic part of me hopes our sister gets her act together, but I don’t have high expectations. Not anymore. She isn’t the same little girl I remember. The one who’d fall asleep on the couch midway through a movie, curled into my side like the world couldn’t touch her there. Back then, her problems were scraped knees and bad dreams. I could fix both with a bandage and never-ending stories.

Ollie: Who knows, but the cops are trying their best to find her anyway

Chase: What if they don’t?

Ollie: Then I’ll contact Eli’s PI…but I don’t feel like I should do that yet

Chase: Keep me posted and good luck

Chase: And send me some photos!

His request brings a smile to my face, because even though it’s only been a few days, my camera roll is already filled with photos of Tilly. Scrolling through them, I choose two of my favorites to share.

Ollie: *sends a photo of Tilly sleeping in a bassinet*

Ollie: *sends another photo of Tilly on her play mat*