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I open my eyes and look directly into his. He already knows. I can see it in the regret swimming in those icy blues. I haven't said the rest yet, but he has felt the words coming.
“I should stay somewhere else tonight so we can both take a breather,” I tell him.
Ollie’s hand drops from my cheek, but he doesn't step back. “Soph and Jax?”
“Yeah. Eli and Rose have plans tomorrow, so I don’t want to inconvenience them.”
“Did you text Soph?”
“Not yet.”
Relief flickers across his face before he can hide it. “Why don’t you stay? I hate the idea of you walking away upset.”
“So do I.”
“Then stay.”
The plea is barely more than a whisper, and that makes it nearly impossible to ignore. If he'd argued or pushed, it would've been easier to stand my ground. For one dangerous moment, I almost give in. Tilly and Ollie’s siblings are inside. My clothes are still in the closet. My whole life is waiting beyond those walls.
And Ollie stands in front of me, sorrow written across his face, offering me every apology he has to give. Every instinct I have begs me to close the distance and pretend that one night of holding each other could dull the edges of everything that's broken.
But I know myself better. I know how easy it would be to let the touches become a distraction. I know how quickly I could fold my own discomfort just because he looks sorry and I only recently realized how much I love him. I spent years confusing peace with silence. I won't do that here. Not with him. Not with a relationship I want to last.
“If I stay tonight, I'll either pretend I'm fine before I am, or we'll keep talking in circles until one of us gets careless and says something they regret.”
Ollie’s jaw tightens. “And leaving is supposed to hurt less?”
“No. It’s just supposed to stop us from hurting each other more. We're both exhausted. You have Livia upstairs trying to figure out how to exist in the same room as her daughter without drowning in guilt. Chase is pretending he's fine because that's what funny people do when everyone else is falling apart. Tilly needs stability, and I…” I let out a slow breath. “I need somewhere I can fall apart without feeling guilty for adding one more thing to your plate.”
“Sweetheart, don't say that,” he whispers, his voice breaking.
“I'm not saying they're the problem,” I say quickly. “I love Tilly. I care about Livia. I like Chase more than I ever plan to admit to him. But tonight, I can't be the person holding everything together. I just need a few hours where it's okay for me to be the one who's hurting.”
His eyes close. When they open again, he looks wrecked in the worst way. “That's fair,” he says quietly. “Even if I hate it.”
We stand there for another moment, neither of us moving. Somewhere upstairs, a muffled sound comes through the open window. Chase's laugh, probably. Or Tilly fussing. Life continues without waiting for us.
“Can I ask one selfish thing?” Ollie says and I nod for him to continue. “Don't leave without saying goodnight.”
The request is so simple it slips straight through my defenses. A breathy, aching laugh escapes me. “I wasn't planning to sneak out.”
“Good.” His mouth twitches, never quite becoming a smile. “Because I'd like one more kiss before you go.”
“So polite,” I murmur, my eyes stinging all over again. Even now, after everything we've said, he still wants to kiss me.
“I'm trying to be respectful, but I'm also trying very hard not to beg.”
“Ollie…”
“I know.” He cuts himself off, grimacing. “Fuck. How did I just use that overused, useless phrase in the middle of an important conversation?”
Despite everything, I laugh. A real one this time. The sound seems to loosen something between us, and relief flickers across his face.
“You’re still the only one who gets to call me Miss California, don’t you worry,” I remind him softly.
There’s no smirk or smile this time. “I can work with that.”
When he reaches for me, there’s no hesitation. His hands settle at my waist, mine slide up his chest, and the kiss he gives me is nothing like the ones before. It’s not playful or hungry or meant to make me swoon. It's full of everything we're too wise to say aloud right now. Words have done enough damage for one night. Ollie kisses me like he’s letting me leave and do my own thing. I kiss him back like I’m promising to return.
