Page 6
“You know what I mean, Little Poet Boy. Don’t act stupid with me. It doesn’t suit you.”
That silly nickname. Back when we were kids, words were the only thing that stayed constant, so I used to write everything down. The good, the bad and the stuff I didn’t understand. It’s been years since I last did so. I told myself it was because life got busy, but maybe it was more about the fact that I wanted to leave that habit behind with my years in the foster system. Right now, though, I wish I had a journal to pour this mess inside my head into. Maybe I should buy one or book an extra therapy appointment before I completely lose my shit. Too bad Dr. Patel is on holiday until my next appointment and I don’t have the energy to share my life story to someone new.
“Enlighten me,” I mutter, even though I already know what he’s getting at. It’s not the first time we’ve had this conversation.
Eli drags a hand over his face. “I’m not ready to be a parent. Don’t get me wrong, babies are great, but I want to be prepared.”
Growing up the way we did, you either run from the idea of family or you hold onto it. Eli and I? We’ve always been the latter. We want to have our own children someday. Unlike Jax, who’s clearly stated kids aren’t part of his plan. He’s got his life exactly how he wants it and he’s not interested in changing his mind.
“I get what you mean.” I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes. “Less than twenty-four hours ago, I was having shots with this hot guy until three a.m. Then within an hour of waking up, I got the news about a baby found in the bathroom. I had no time to prepare.”
“Was your date the same guy you hooked up with last month?”
“No, this was a different one,” I admit, my cheeks heating up, remembering all the wonderful details from last night. Since my ex broke up with me last December, I’ve been dating and having fun as many single folks do.
“Well, it looks like you won’t go out much in the future,” Eli quips unhelpfully.
“Very funny,” I say sarcastically. “It wasn’t like I had much time off before.”
“Joking aside, how else can we help?”
“How about you find my sister?”
Because beneath everything else, Livia is out there somewhere and I don’t know if she’s okay. That’s the biggest worry I have about the whole situation. There’s no way of telling if she left Tilly voluntarily or as a last resort. The questions don’t stop before we find her. They only circle, getting louder every time I let myself think about the details.
“I could contact Jordan if you think the NYPD can’t locate her,” he says, referencing the PI he’s worked with before and trusts.
“I’ll wait for the cops. If they don’t manage to do their job before the summer ends, I’ll take you up on your offer.”
He nods in response. “So, what are you going to do with the shop?”
“What do you mean?”
“I know the hours you work and it’s a lot, even without caring for a baby.”
“What am I supposed to do? She’s family.”
Rose sits down next to Eli, Tilly in her arms, and starts feeding her. “You should get a live-in nanny,” she suggests. “I don’t know how it all works, but it’d help with your busy schedule. You also have a room for them.”
I consider Rose’s suggestion as I watch Tilly gulp down her bottle. She’s so small, smaller than anything that should carry this much weight in my life. Her eyes are half-closed as she drinks, completely trusting that she’s safe. That someone will take care of her. It’s both beautiful and terrifying to witness.
“A nanny would definitely help, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to let a stranger take care of Tilly,” I say, even though I don’t have many other options.
I feel the overwhelm weigh me down as Eli sits up straighter and smiles, his eyes comically wide. “What if your nanny wasn’t a stranger?”
“Are you offering to look after Tilly instead of being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company?” I joke.
That would make life easier, knowing I could trust them. I would also have help and Tilly would be taken care of. And I could exist for longer than a minute without feeling like I'm failing her. But it also means letting someone into this, whatever this is. And that feels just as terrifying.
He rolls his eyes. “No, idiot, but I know the perfect temporary nanny for you until you find a more permanent solution.”
“Who?”
“Remember Peyton?”
As if I could forget someone so stunning. “Yeah, Dex’s younger sister?” I ask, mentioning Eli’s brother-in-law.
Just like that, a completely different kind of problem crashes into my life. Because Peyton isn’t just someone I remember. She’s someone I noticed. A lot more than I probably should have at the time. Great. This is exactly what I need right now. A baby and unresolved attraction thrown into the mix like some kind of cosmic joke.
