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But he only needed a drink because his guilt had been tearing him in two since the night he had confronted the magnitude of his betrayal. And ever since the first inkling of guilt had presented itself less than three weeks earlier, he had desperately tried to push it down and seal it back in a box and bury it in the attic of his mind where it could not torture him.

Now it was time to unbury the box and bring it out to open it. Stuff, it was mortifying.

Clearing his throat, he finally spoke. “Her name is Annabel.”

Chapter

Nineteen

“Sensibility is the charm of a woman's character.”

Dr. John Gregory, A Father’s Legacy to His Daughters

“Annabel is the younger sister of a friend, Brendan Ridley. We met when we were children. She is intelligent and lively, the first female I ever genuinely enjoyed spending time with outside the …” Richard waved his hand at the bedchamber, clearly unsure how to complete the sentence. Sophia nodded her understanding so he would continue.

“After my father passed away, I rescued our estates from the brink of financial ruin. Once I succeeded, I needed to ensure that our tenants would find themselves with responsible leadership in the event of my demise. Three or four years ago, I decided it was time to do my duty and sire an heir because Perry made it clear he did not wish to inherit. I started my search for a suitable wife, but after two stupefying Seasons of meeting tame young misses whom I could not tolerate for more than five to ten minutes at a time, I realized there was only one woman whom I could marry. Annabel was rusticating in the country because her father refused to bring her to London, and I realized I had an opportunity to marry an interesting woman.”

Sophia experienced a slight twinge of envy, then reminded herself that he was not married to the other woman but was sitting in her own bedchamber recounting his history. She suppressed her jealousy and forced herself to pay attention to what was important.

“The problem was, I thought I could marry a close friend and continue my pursuits concurrently.”

“I take it Annabel did not see it that way?”

“Correct. I had taken up with a maid on her father’s estate, someone she cared about, and Annabel discovered us kissing in the stables.”

She sighed but refrained from comment. Richard flushed in embarrassment and looked down at his hands folded on his lap, stiff with tension. “I did not handle it well. She did. She let the maid go with references. She even helped the young woman find a new position. I … I did nothing. Except when Annabel said she wanted to cancel the wedding. Then I did something.”

Sophia frowned, puzzled and trying to work out what he could have done. “Never say you refused?”

Richard’s head sank lower, blushing so hard his ears turned a bright red. “And I convinced her father to proceed with the wedding.”

“My word!” Sophia gasped. “Oh! I apologize. I am just surprised. Please continue.”

“She begged me to change my mind, but I insisted the wedding would proceed. Annabel grew desperate, so she sought my cousin, the Duke of Halmesbury⁠—”

“And married him!” Sophia clapped a hand over her mouth. “Please, I am sorry. It is just so ingenious of her.”

Richard grimaced. “That is the short version of the story, yes. The long version is that she dressed herself like a lad and risked her life to ride alone through the night from Somerset to Wiltshire to seek him out. Apparently, she asked him to intercede with me, but he seized the opportunity to win my bride from me for reasons I will explain another day.”

Sophia realized she was gaping at him, quickly pressed her lips together, then said, “It was not well done of you—what you did to Annabel—but why does it bother you so much after all this time? Given that it all worked out for her in the end.”

Her husband lifted a hand to knead the muscles in his neck, his expression agitated while he thought. “I suppose … all the other women I wronged were active, willing participants in my dalliances. Annabel was different. She was innocent of any wrongdoing, and I had no excuse to betray a friend in that manner. Then I compounded it by insisting she wed me when it was clear she did not want to. When I awoke to how wrong my past behavior has been, it finally dawned on me how poorly I treated her. If you told me a man had done this to you … I would seek them out and pound them. It was pure villainy. My father was the very worst, far past the point of redemption, but what I did to her … it ranked as one of the worst things a potential protector could do, and then when I was caught, I showed no remorse of any kind. If she had not gained assistance from Halmesbury, I would have proceeded with the wedding and she would be trapped in a marriage to me after I proved I could not be trusted.”

Richard’s face displayed his self-loathing, which made Sophia’s heart ache on his behalf. She could not imagine the difficulty of repairing so many mistakes of the past and having to live with the consequences in the present. This morning, she had experienced her own guilt, which had been torturous.

“Husband, might I make a bold suggestion?”

He could not look at her, but he did gesture her to continue.

“I think if you had married her, something would have happened and you would have stopped … your indiscretions.”

Richard’s head shot up, amazement on his face. “What? Why would you say that?”

“For one thing, less than three weeks ago, you made a decision to change, and you have done so. That infers that it was inevitable that eventually you would decide to do so, given the right circumstances.”

“That is generous of you, but it was a chance encounter with you that did it, so⁠—”

“And that is the other thing. You had to be seeking an opportunity to change.”