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“Wait here,” he snapped at his driver before striding toward the pair, his boots crunching against the frozen ground.
His fury propelled him forward, each step matching the pounding of his heart in his chest. The bare branches overhead rattled faintly in the December wind, as though the park itself were holding its breath. Whatever lies Harriet had woven, whatever deception Richard had entangled himself in, Sebastian would have his answers. And he would have them now.
CHAPTER 12
Nay: if ’tis a crime to love thee,
Then no lot’s so hard as mine.
The New Ladies’ Valentine Writer (1821)
* * *
Harriet’s hands trembled in her lap as she sat rigidly in the carriage, her knuckles white where she gripped the folds of her cloak. This time, it was not passion that made them shake, but deep regret. She had ruined everything.
Sebastian had looked at her this morning as though she had shattered whatever fragile bonds had begun to form between them. Now, she was certain she had lost him forever. The burden of her poor choices pressed down upon her, suffocating and inescapable.
When Lord Saunton rode up alongside her carriage, his expression shifted immediately from casual curiosity to concern. He reined in his horse and dismounted with fluid ease before striding toward the carriage door. She barely waited for him to assist her before stepping out onto the cold ground, the air biting at her skin even beneath her gloves. The frost-hardened path gave faintly beneath her half-boots, and somewhere across the water a solitary crow called once and fell silent.
“Lady Slight?” Lord Saunton’s voice was low and careful, but the keen perception in his gaze told her he had already deduced that something was amiss.
She swallowed, wrapping her arms around herself, seeking comfort where none was to be found. “I have made a terrible mistake.”
Lord Saunton frowned, his gloved hands settling on his hips. “That much is clear. But which mistake in particular are we discussing?”
Harriet laughed, a sharp and humorless sound. “I trapped Sebastian into a courtship in exchange for a painting he once gave me.”
“You what?”
“I told him I no longer had it, but I would tell him who did if he pretended to court me until Christmas. But I did have it, and now he knows and I … I have ruined everything.”
The earl’s brows shot up in unmistakable dismay.
“I—I know it was wrong. I knew it when I did it. But I thought … I thought if I had time, I could make him see—” Her voice broke.
“That you belonged together?” he guessed, his expression sympathetic.
“Yes.” The admission burned her throat.
He ran a hand down his face, frustration plain. “And instead, he has discovered the truth, and now you are standing here like a lost child, trembling over the consequences of your choices.”
She flinched. “I did not mean to hurt him.”
“No, I imagine you meant to secure your own happiness first and foremost,” Lord Saunton said, his voice firm.
Harriet turned away, squeezing her eyes shut. The bare parkland stretched before her, still and indifferent, the Serpentine a dull pewter gleam in the flat December light. “I know I have done wrong. But you have been my Mentor these many months. You advised me on making amends for my past behavior. Until now, I did everything you told me to do, and I am terribly sorry I did not tell you what I was about. Please tell me how to fix this.”
The earl was silent for a long moment before he spoke again. “Lady Slight … once one starts upon the path of honesty, it is imperative not to stray from it. You cannot simply confess one truth and expect all else to be forgiven if you continue down the road of deception. I am afraid you have not heeded my advice in this regard.”
She turned back to him, desperation clawing at her chest. “Tell me what I can do. You are the only one I know who managed to find your way back. You … and Perry, whom I cannot ask to help for obvious reasons.” She could hardly ask her former lover to advise her on redemption, which was why she had sought out not him, but Perry’s brother back in August when she had made her decision to change her circumstances.
His jaw ticked. “You already know what must be done. This path requires commitment. You cannot mend a broken foundation by stacking more stones atop it.”
Harriet nodded, barely breathing.
She knew.
She had always known.
