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“I think you believe everything you’re saying, but the way you plan… You say I’m not just a challenge. Maybe not, but how do I know you don’t have some grand checklist of life that includes acquiring a wife and kids? Now that you’re pushing forty, maybe you’re feeling…desperate to settle down and you’ve convinced yourself that I’m the one because I’m suitable and comfortable.”
He looks at me as if I’ve come from an alien planet. “I didn’t pursue you because my biological clock is ticking. Marrying and having babies with you has been on my list for years, but only with you. I want you.”
“Noah, I don’t think you really understand love or the realities of marriage. It takes more than good chemistry.”
“I know that!”
“How could you? You don’t exactly have the reputation for staying in a relationship.”
He shakes his head. “This is about you. You’re painting me with Tim’s brush and penalizing me because… Why? You can’t let go of your leftover fear from the divorce. You’re afraid to try again, and you’re too scared to admit that you fell into bed with me because you love me. You keep insisting what we have is just fantasy because that’s easy. The reality scares you, and you won’t even try to accept it, no matter how big the reward. You simply refuse to deal with it. You bitch at me about lying.” He cocks a dark brow, cynical fury burning in his eyes. “Look in the mirror, sugar.”
Without looking back, he turns away and marches toward the hall, anger set in the taut lines of his shoulders and clenched fists.
He’s leaving. Just like that? Panic wells up inside me at the thought, grabbing my heart and squeezing. “Wait!”
With a sharp turn, Noah pins me with a glare. “For what? I’m not going to tell you to find me when you come to your senses. I’ve done my waiting, ten years of it. I’m not waiting a minute more.”
Chapter Eleven
Noah
* * *
I spend Saturday drunk. Sunday is looking like a repeat.
Yeah, Lauren is willing to throw our relationship away over her irrational fear, but the lies of my grand scheme didn’t help. I fucked up. Big.
Clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and bracing myself against the portal of my open French door, I stare out at the quiet morning hovering in a hushed mist over my backyard.
Just days ago, Lauren was here, smiling, laughing. Her girls swam and played. The sense of rightness screwed with my head, made me believe in my faulty plan.
That was my downfall.
Raising the bottle to my mouth, I chug swallow after swallow of the liquid fire. The alcohol burns my empty stomach. A quick glance in a decorative mirror on the nearby wall tells me I look like shit—hair askew, two days’ growth of beard, rumpled clothes, sunken, hollow eyes that echo the sensation in my chest.
For a wild week, I had Lauren, held her, fantasized about everything from tasting her pussy to sliding a ring on her finger. After one sweep of my mask to the floor, my hope for the future is over.
Where did I go wrong? She was interested in me at the office. Her discreet glances, sexy blouses, the glimpses of thigh-high stockings… they didn’t lie. She thought of me, of Noah, when I sneaked into her bed and body dressed as Mr. Mysterious. I got drunk on the need in her intoxicating touch.
Did I miscalculate?
Yeah. And Lauren is gone, probably forever.
On that cheerful note, the phone rings. Probably my mother. She was horrified when she stopped in yesterday afternoon to find me surrounded by two empty bottles. Worse, I confessed that I haven’t eaten since lunch on Friday.
With a long-suffering sigh, I reach for my phone. The caller ID surprises me. Not my mother…
“Yeah.” I can’t quite keep the rancor out of my tone.
After all, the man on the other end is one of the big reasons for my torment.
“Noah, buddy. How’ve you been?”
Lauren’s ex sounds a little too chipper for my mood, particularly since I want to reach through the phone and beat the shit out of him. If Tim hadn’t neglected her and hurt her, she wouldn’t be so gun-shy with me.
“Busy.” I barely sound civil. “You?”
“Actually…not so busy. I’ve been backing off my work schedule some. Spending more quality time with the kids. They’re growing up so fast.”
