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Stupid, irrational disappointment hits me like a punch to the belly.

He raises a hand, then abruptly curls it into a fist and drops it to his side. “Can I say one thing?”

“Yes.” Please do!

But what if he has some new plan and I fall for it? And then, once I’m settled and trusting, uses his lies to cheat on me with Miss Decade Younger and⁠—

But what if he really, truly loves you?

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I spent so many years in love with you, and I was afraid you never saw me as a lover. I wanted you to experience me—us—without preconceived notions. I wanted you to have the kind of love and passion I know you didn’t have in the past. You deserve all that with someone who cares about you more than”—he frowns, his jaw hardens, as if he’s having trouble getting his words out—“more than his next breath.”

His speech cuts me off at the knees. Despite my confusion and self-talk, I feel my insides melt. My eyes well with tears. His words imply he is that someone. He cares that much. He devised a whole new person, probably spent hours deciding how to approach me, persuade me, and seduce me. He sent me tantalizing gifts, notes that revved my libido. He made love to me like a man with nothing but me on his mind.

None of that would have occurred to Tim. Ever.

The reminder that Noah has done all that just to win me knots in my chest, wrapping dangerously around my heart. And maybe…I can have him back, if I have the courage to say three little words.

I open my mouth—but fear silences me.

“I went about everything the wrong way, and I’m sorry.”

Again, he lifts a hand to me as if he wants to touch me. Again, the fist curls, his jaw tenses, and his brows draw down in a pained frown. He drops his hand.

My heart breaks with how badly I want him to touch me. And how much I fear losing myself to him, only to lose him to someone younger and prettier. And it hurts. Better to have a bruised heart now than have it shredded later.

“Apology accepted. I’m sorry, too. I didn’t handle the other night very well. I never meant to hurt you, and I realize the things I said probably screwed up our friendship forever. I hate that.”

“Just don’t hate me.” His voice cracks.

It takes everything inside me not to cry. Grief hangs heavy in his expression, and my heart flips at the sight.

I reach out, despite the voice of caution screaming at me, and take his hand. “I could never hate you.” Not when I love you so much… “For what it’s worth, if you truly love me, then I’m the biggest idiot in the world.”

He threads our fingers together and squeezes my hand like it’s a lifeline. “You still doubt me?”

I suck in a harsh breath. How do I answer? Put my feelings into words? I can hardly sort through the tangle in my head.

Noah’s cell phone rings, shattering the quiet intimacy of the moment. He swears in an ugly four-letter word that tells me in one succinct syllable the depth of his frustration.

At the moment, I don’t disagree.

“I think you mean it today. Tomorrow…?” I shake my head. “Let’s not put ourselves through this.”

Noah turns off the ringer without looking at the caller ID even once, something else Tim would never have done. He focuses on me. Nothing but me.

He sighs, the sound heavy with resignation. “If that’s what you want. But I do, you know. Love you. No matter what you think, I always will.”

“He what?” Kat screeches through my car speakers.

I sigh as I navigate through dicey traffic on Central Expressway while leaving downtown Dallas. “Don’t make me repeat all that because I know you heard me. The CliffsNotes version is that Noah was Mr. Mysterious. There is no other woman. He was pumping me for information. He lied about the whole thing.”

“You found out two weeks ago and you’re just now telling me?”

“I was trying to work everything out in my head. Sorry. I just… What am I supposed to make of all this? On the one hand, I feel lied to and manipulated. And even though it’s probably stupid, I feel oddly flattered, as well. On the other hand, I don’t see him as a suburban husband and father, not when he’s used to a new model every month. But what if he really does mean it?”

Kat hesitates. “He said he came up with this grand scheme because he loves you?”

“Yes.”