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“Gosh, Kat. Don’t mince words. Tell me what you really think.”
My sister snorts. “Stop thinking less about how a new relationship might be painful and think more about what kind of happiness you might be passing up if you let the pain of your past rule your future.”
Kat’s cutting voice—and the truth—whack me across the face. My sister is right. Noah is the anti-Tim—supportive, attentive, able to focus on our relationship. There’s just one D-cup-or-better problem…
“Okay, you’re mostly right. But there’s something else you don’t understand.”
“This better be good.”
“Seriously, Kat. I’m like…Mount Everest to him. Once he’s scaled me and planted his flag, what if it’s all over?”
“Sounds to me like he’s already planted his flag more than once.”
I roll my eyes. “Stop. I meant metaphorically.”
“You think he’s so hard up that he needs to ruin a decade-long friendship just to get laid?”
Um, put like that? No. That isn’t Noah’s style. But…
“Kat, I’ve watched him with every other woman he’s dated. I’ve seen the same pattern over and over. Once he thinks he’s got me, he’ll get bored and restless, and he’ll leave me. That makes it kinda hard to just ‘get over’ my fear.”
“You need to consider three things: A—He acted that way with other women he used as a substitute for you. If he’s pined for ten years, chances are cupid has maimed him for life where you’re concerned. B— You hurt yourself when you cut him loose because—get this—you’re afraid of hurting. Hello, is logic home?”
“Kat—”
“Don’t interrupt. C—You’re looking for guarantees in a relationship before you sign on. Gee, if they all come with one and I didn’t know, color me stupid. Here I thought relationships were about learning to trust and respect one another, sticking it out in good times and bad, and hoping for the best along the way. But gosh, if they come with guarantees of not being cheated on and left, I’ll take that.”
“Now you’re just being sarcastic.”
“I’m being right. I’m also hanging up now. Before you get the kids and get busy, while I know you’re stuck in traffic and have nothing else to do, I want you to think about what I said. Noah loves you. I believe the guy. Why shouldn’t you? You’re crazy about him. It’s a great chance to start all over and do things right. The future… Well, what’s that cliché? It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I think that applies here. Gotta run. Buh-bye…”
Click.
Ugh! That’s just like my difficult, opinionated sister.
God bless her. Tears sear the backs of my sleep-deprived eyes as I mentally sort through Kat’s words.
Noah loves me—or claims to. An insidious part of my foolish heart wants to embrace that like a warm quilt on a chilly winter’s day.
I love Noah—and I have for a while. We know each other well, respect each other’s senses of humor and quirks. Undoubtedly, he’d drive me nuts a time or two along the way. No doubt I’d do the same to him.
Cutting him out of my life now… it is crazy. The last two weeks without him have been like a dull, rusty blade in my chest. I don’t want to be without him. If our relationship ends up being a short one, well, at least I’ll have memories and the knowledge that I tried. If I leave him now, I’ll have nothing but regrets.
Since I already have a pile of those—and they suck—I’m not settling for regrets anymore.
When the traffic stops again, I prowl through my phone’s menu and hit one of my speed dial buttons. The call connects over the car’s speakers. “Hey, Mom. Are you busy tonight? You’re not? Great! Would you mind if the girls came to stay with you? I need to visit a… friend.”
Chapter Twelve
Noah
* * *
Friday fucking night, and I’m alone. And home by ten thirty. How the hell did that happen?
Because after a certain blonde with dazzling brown eyes let me into her life—into the sweet, honey-wet depths of her body—substitutes ceased to work. So I gave up pretending and left the bar.
Lauren has captured me completely, without even trying. She was simply herself. For ten years, I’ve ached for her.
