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“Would you work for the Lunds, too?” That possibility leaves me feeling vaguely betrayed and a lot angry.
She shrugs. “It’s a good job, and they’d need the help. But maybe we’ll wind up together. Who knows?”
I set down my fork with a clatter. “We would know for sure if you’d just say yes to marrying me.”
“You know it’s not that simple.” She reaches for my hand. “We’ve barely been together for three weeks. Most people even don’t talk about marriage in less than three months.”
I want to argue with that, but I can’t. She needs more time before she’s ready to commit. Hell, maybe I do, too. Maybe I’ll figure out by then what love is and whether I’m truly in it.
Forcing myself to relax, I push away my empty plate. “In the meantime, are you going to eat the rest of those pancakes?”
She glances down at the last few bites on her plate, then up at me with an unsteady grin as she stands. “No. You are.”
Then she clears my plate and our empty coffee cups onto a nearby counter. Next, she strips off her shirt and drapes herself across the table. I flash hot as she sets the plate on her bare abdomen, drags her finger through the syrup, then smears it over her taut nipples.
Stunned, I stare. Yeah… I just ate a whole meal, but suddenly I’m starving.
Plucking a scrap of pancake off her plate, I shove the bite in my mouth and moan. “It’s good, but it needs a little something…”
All but tossing the plate in a nearby chair, I lunge over Nia and take her breast in my mouth, drinking in the sticky-sweet syrup and her skin with a long, low moan.
It’s a long hour later before we come up for air. We’re both sated—at least for now. But Nia’s sensuality, her sense of sexual play, and her ability to make me feel not only like a man but like the best she’s ever had keep me ravenous. But I’m beginning to wonder if, like Sebastian suggested, there’s more between us. Some emotion. Something binding. Something lasting.
Right now, I can’t imagine ever letting her go.
Is Bas right? Am I in love for the first time in my life? Have I fallen for Nia?
Tuesday, November 28
After another night with Nia, wrapped in her arms and her body, I wake up beside her on our new mattress, which I managed to have delivered same day. A new sofa, too.
Beside me, she lies curled on her side, facing the wall. Her dark hair looks glossy and lustrous strewn across her pale pillow. She’s naked, and her bare shoulder peeks above the covers, tempting me. Even in the predawn light, I see the faint marks of a love bite I left on her neck last night. I was unabashed, unrestrained, and unapologetic as I took her during the night. Now, I’m happily sated and pretty damn cheerful.
Until I look at the date on my phone. The twenty-eighth—exactly seven months since Becca’s death.
Reality hits me, but instead of her absence felling me like a battering ram, it stings more like the prick of a needle.
Logically, Becca not haunting my thoughts anymore is healthy. But the change stuns me. A month ago, I was grappling with a lingering black pall and struggling to process all the changes in my day-to-day existence. Today, it’s as if I’ve been reborn and emerged on the other side a completely different man with a whole new outlook.
Guilt gnaws at me for that, biting and tenacious. It’s worse because I can’t deny how happy I am, maybe more than I’ve ever been.
Another sign I wasn’t in love with Becca? Or merely that I’ve moved on and am totally infatuated with Nia?
I don’t know.
But there’s one issue—person—I can’t seem to forget and haven’t recovered from: The child I lost seven months ago today. The child I’ll never get to hold. The child who will never know life.
Into my lamenting, my phone buzzes. I glance at the screen, wondering if it’s one of my siblings checking in before they go to bed in Hawaii. They were glad to hear I’d found Bethany—or rather that she’d found me—but shocked to learn she was both loyal to Barclay and not inclined to meet them. I’m okay to write the woman off. She’s a stranger—granted one who shares half my DNA—but it seems counterproductive to badger someone hostile into becoming a part of my life.
Instead, the message is from Sebastian. If you’re not at the gym yet, want company?
I grin. Bas has a love-hate relationship with fitness. He likes sleeping in and drinking way more than I do, which isn’t conducive to maintaining peak physical condition. But he doesn’t look as if he’s been skipping too many workouts. He was a college athlete, so it doesn’t take much for him to keep muscle tone, lucky bastard. Because I didn’t get in shape until my early twenties, I have to work a lot harder at it. That’s okay, though. I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve got. Besides, having this time every morning helps me keep my head clear.
I drop a kiss on Nia’s temple, then roll out of bed with a stretch. After brushing my teeth and drinking my customary half a cup of coffee, I meet my buddy at the gym by five thirty.
“You’re up early,” I comment as we head inside.
The place is barely awake, like most people at this hour. I prefer to start my day before the sun. I can get a lot accomplished. Nia would rather be a night owl. The later the hour grows, the more she seems to come alive. I’m not getting much sleep these days…and I’m not complaining. If she keeps making me feel this good, I’ll be happy to sleep when I’m dead.
