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“Shocked.”

“We both are. Beyond that?”

“Worried.”

I allay the only other concern she might have. “You’ll be a great mother.”

“I guess. I hope. I had a great role model.” She frowns. “But that’s not why I’m worried.”

So I was right. “Forget about my reaction for a minute. How do you feel?”

“Um, it’s a lot and it’s unexpected. I’m not unhappy. I already know I’ll love my son or daughter, no matter what.” She grabs the front of my shirt. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

How do I admit that I have no idea? “Just this morning, I was thinking about the child I lost seven months ago, the one who would be an infant now.”

Is this baby Nia and I conceived a second chance? Is this Fate’s way of replacing what I lost? I don’t really believe in such things, but this seems somehow too serendipitous to be totally random.

“And?” Her voice shakes.

“And…that’s as far as I’ve processed.”

“We’re going to be parents, and I don’t know what we should do next.” Suddenly, she can’t look at me. “If your marriage proposal is off the table, I get it. This is more than you bargained for, right? My own father didn’t want me, either. Since you and I got together, I’ve had trouble believing the hot, rich white guy would really stay with a girl like me, so⁠—”

“Wait a minute.” Her words jar me. Infuriate me. I don’t bother with the back of her chair this time, just clutch her shoulders and kneel in front of her so we’re eye-to-eye. “I never said anything about retracting my marriage proposal. And I never thought any of those things you’re thinking.”

“But it makes sense.”

“To who? Don’t compare me to your deadbeat father. And don’t think for one second that I care what color either one of us is. You’re beautiful, smart, and sexy. I’ve been wondering what you’re doing with a tech geek like me,” I swear. “I would never abandon you or our child. Hell, you know I want to marry you. I bought you a ring you’re still not wearing. I was willing to give you the house you wanted. I’m living with you. I’m sleeping beside you. I’m doing my best to heap pleasure on you. I don’t know what else…”

She could want. But yes, I do. And an instant later, she takes the words right out of my mouth.

“You don’t love me.” Her words are almost a whimper, accompanied by tears.

Everything about her reply stabs me in the chest. I’m not sure what to say.

“I have no idea what I feel.” In the midst of some of the most shocking news of my life, I can’t help but laugh. “In case it’s escaped your notice, I’m terrible with emotion. There’s something between us that’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve got no clue what that means. But if you really need to hear three words to say ‘I do,’ I don’t know where that leaves us.”

She dissolves into tears and wraps her arms around herself. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“You can’t blame yourself. I barged in. I demanded. I didn’t glove up. I didn’t think. It’s my fault. I’ll help you deal with the consequences.”

That only makes her sob harder. “You didn’t want children. All you wanted was relief. And now…everything is a mess. I need to go.”

“What? Go where? This is your house.” I shake my head. “No.”

When Nia sniffles again and I sense another tear-storm brewing, I glance around for a box of tissues. Nothing. Goddamn it.

“Stay right there.”

I hustle out of the room and haul down to the bathroom. It seems so odd to be terribly concerned about something as mundane as a tissue when the world as I know it is collapsing in on me.

A baby.

Fuck, I’m not ready to confront being a father again. I’m not ready to handle the fear of losing my child.

But what choice do I have?

Now that Nia isn’t in right front of me, her dark eyes haunting me with questions I can’t answer, I grab the cardboard box off the vanity and drag in a steadying breath. Vaguely, I’m aware of my fingers crushing the flimsy container, but I can’t stop. Or care.