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“Fuck,” he said, more of an exhale than anything, as she swirled her tongue along the broad head of his cock, lapping once, twice, at the slit in its tip. “Nesta—”

She took all of him in her mouth again, and this time, her core seemed to throb in answer, so desperate for any friction, any touch at all, that even the seam of her nightgown on her thighs was starting to drive her wild. She needed him in her now, needed him around and above her, filling her—

Strong, broad hands grabbed her under the shoulders. Pulled her mouth off his cock.

His face was taut with unbridled lust as he set her on her feet in front of him. Leaned forward with a groan, and with shaking hands, ran his fingers beneath her nightgown, up her thighs. Higher. “Still no underwear, Nes?” His desire-heavy words were barely discernable.

She didn’t have a retort on hand, not as she stepped toward him—only to be stopped.

“Everything off,” he ordered, and started on the buttons of her nightgown. He held her gaze the entire time. Like he knew exactly where each button was. Like he’d studied for this his whole life and could do it in the dark.

Her nightgown dropped away. Naked, looking down at Cassian still perched on the bed, cock jutting up in delectable invitation, Nesta’s throat closed again.

She said hoarsely, “I don’t know what to do.”

He nodded toward his cock.

But she huffed a laugh, shaking her head, and found the words to explain what she’d realized yesterday on that cliff. “I don’t know what to do here. In this court. With myself. My life.”

He angled his head, giving her the gift of listening—of truly hearing her.

“I thought it would all click into place, and yet . . .” She rubbed at her chest. “It hasn’t. I have all of this,” she said, motioning to herself, the power of her magic, her body, her heart, “but for what purpose?”

His eyes softened. “You’ll find that purpose. I promise.”

She sniffed. “I know, but . . . I’m just so unsure of everything. Of what I’m meant to do.” She tried to find the right words. “The only thing I’m sure about is that I love you. That I love Feyre and Nyx, and Emerie and Gwyn. And the others, too, when they’re not pissing me off.”

“So let that be the thing that guides you. Maybe that love is what will lead you to whatever you’re meant to do.”

“I missed you,” she managed to say. “I could barely stand it. I just—I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, or master myself enough to do it calmly.”

“I suppose I can thank Bryaxis for that, at least.”

“You can thank Gwyn, actually.”

“Oh?” But Cassian registered the sorrow on her face. “What happened with Gwyn?” He’d known she’d stopped coming to training after the Blood Rite, but not anything else, granting her time and space to work it out with her friend. Or not work it out, as it were.

Nesta shook her head, her throat unbearably tight again. “I don’t know. She pulled away, and I pulled away, and I said some things yesterday I maybe shouldn’t have, even when I was trying to make everything all right with her again, but she didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t bear it, not having her or you to talk to. Laugh with. I couldn’t bear it,” she whispered. “Not for another moment.”

“Come here,” he said, taking her by the hand. His fingers were so warm, so strong around hers. “You never have to doubt this, worry about this.” He motioned between them. “We will have fights, and I guarantee this won’t be our last, but we’ll always find our way back to each other. To this, Nes. Because I love you, and you love me, and even if we weren’t mates, that would be true. Always—forever.”

She nodded, beyond words, and he pulled her onto his lap. He held her stare as he guided himself to her entrance. As he tenderly bracketed her hips and lightly pushed her onto him.

The first nudge of his cock inside her body had her eyes stinging with tears again. Home, home, home—

He kissed her so lovingly that she was shocked her whole body didn’t break from the intensity of it. She opened her mouth to him, letting him in, and as their tongues tangled, she sank onto him fully.

Cassian groaned, stilling. “Fuck.” He leaned his head against her shoulder. “Fuck.”

“Yes, that’s what I’m trying to do,” she teased, the edges of her mouth quirking upward.

He inhaled two more great, heaving breaths, wings twitching. Then he lifted his head. A wicked grin lit his face. He bucked his hips, driving deeper, and her gasp rang through the room. He covered her mouth with his own, as if he’d swallow the sound.

And at the next sweep of his tongue into her mouth, she began to move.

It had only been a few weeks, and yet she’d somehow forgotten how huge he was, how perfectly he filled her. Forgotten how it felt to have those arms holding her, so strong but always gentle with her, letting her set the pace as she wished.

Cassian groaned again, deep in his throat, and the sound reverberated through her body, her soul. His hands tightened on her hips, his only warning before flipping them.