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He opens his mouth as if to say something but then doesn’t. Whatever he was considering saying he swallows down. There’s this wounded look that I’ve never seen in his eyes, before he drops his gaze to the floor.

He raises his gaze again. “Kels—”

“Just don’t. I don’t need to hear it.” I pull my hand from his. I’m not going to stay and listen to his reasons. Words are only words. His actions speak far fucking louder. He’s never going to get me to forgive him. And the idea that he could... my bad for believing in him even a little bit. "Don't worry about me. Go back to your new fiancée. I’m sure she’d be unhappy to know you’re here with me.”

“I don’t give a fuck what she thinks.” He rises and catches my wrist. Loosens his grip when I wince, though it wouldn’t have hurt if Marco hadn’t bruised the crap out of it last night. “I’m only doing what she wants because—”

Why can’t he just shut up? Why can’t he leave me alone? I whirl on him with the one thing I know will make him stop, “I slept with Kodiak.”

He reacts as though I slapped him, neck arching back, mouth falling open. His gaze widens and turns so dark I want to take a step back.

His breathing turns uneven, and when he finally speaks his voice is low and wrecked. “You had sex with him?”

“Yes.” I stare him down while I claw at his fingers trapping my wrist. I told him to hurt him. So I could see my own pain when I found him and Sonatina together that weekend reflected in his eyes. So he could feel what I do every time he gets tangled up with her whether it be real or for publicity. I wanted to cause him the pain he deserves.

Now I hurt from the pain I see on his face.

His jaw clenches as he studies me hard. And then he turns resolute. “Good. I deserved it.”

“What?” I stop trying to get free.

“I earned this pain. After what I put you through it’s only right that I should feel that pain too.”

But fucking Kodiak when we’re not together is not the same as him cheating on me with Sonatina. Getting engaged to her. And it’s not enough. He still has no idea how much he hurt me. How much I’m hurting now. “This is nothing like that. You’ll never understand the pain you put me through.”

“You’re right. I won’t ever understand how betrayed you must have felt.”

“We were supposed to be each other’s ride or die. I was committed to you, and I thought you felt the same way too.”

“I did. I do.”

“Then how could you hurt me like that?”

He swallows hard, his cheeks turn ruddy. He says nothing.

“You have nothing to say? At all? No reasons? Or excuses? Nothing?” My anger and sadness are an emotional waterfall, and I am drowning in it.

“There is nothing I can say in my defense that will ever make up for what I did to you.” He cups the back of my neck. His thumb brushes my pulse point. “Not when you were mine. Not since you’ve come back. I can’t change the past. And I won’t make excuses for what I did to you.”

I can’t move. I want to believe him. He sounds sincere and more like the man I used to know than he has since I’ve been back.

“It kills me that I can’t change the past.” Pain is rampant in his eyes. “And that you aren’t mine, but it is my fault. So having to know that you fucked him... living with the fact that you went to him for comfort because I let you down... Fuck, it destroys me. But it’s what I deserve. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on earning your forgiveness, Kelsey. Or your heart. I am going to do whatever it takes for you to let me in again.”

“I wish you could.” It’s far too late for that.

“I will. I won’t stop trying.” He tugs me closer and captures my mouth in a soft, watery kiss. My heart is breaking all over again as I fall into it for the briefest second. He touches the tip of my tongue with his and it tastes like a promise.

But he’s broken so many, I know it’s a lie.

“I won’t give up on us,” he says.

I can’t see how he’s going to do that. Not when her perfume clings to his clothes. Not when he’s kissing her in public. She’s all over him. We’ve been here before. “I’m not coming back to you. I need to move on, Riot. Maybe that’s with Kodiak.”

“Fuck him.” He hauls me against his chest. Clears his throat. When he speaks again, it’s softer with no hint of sharpness. “Fuck him if that’s what you need to do to punish me. Him, Bronx, and Golden. Let me hear you come for them. Torture me with what I can’t have. I’ll hate every moment until you’re mine again. But please, Kelsey, don’t tell me you need to move on like we’re something either of us can put in the past. I’ve carried you with me every day since we parted. Wanting to hate you. Unable to breathe without you. Still yours. And I know you feel the same. I know it.”

I can’t admit out loud that he’s right, but my stupid heart... it knows moving on isn’t that simple. I shove him again. “You need to stop. You’re with her now.”

“It’s not what you think—”