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He shook his head immediately, a broken, almost disbelieving smile pulling at his lips.
“No, you don’t,” he said. His hands slid down my arms slowly, like he was memorising the feel of me before lacing our fingers together. “No, you don’t know. Because when you disappeared, I just fucking lost it,” he said, lifting our joined hands, pressing a trembling kiss to my knuckles before he pressed them against his damp chest where my name was inked. His heartbeat drummed in a frantic pace against them.
“We just…” He sucked in a shaky breath, like even starting was too much. “We just had the most unbelievable night together.” His voice cracked, eyes searching mine like he needed me to remember it was me who was with him. “Hearing that from you…” He swallowed hard. “Hearing you say you loved me, fuck, Evie,” he cried out as a broken sound tore out of him. “That was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
My chest tightened painfully as his grip on my hands grew stronger, like he was holding onto that moment instead of the one we were in now. “We almost had it all,” he said, the words dragging out of him like they hurt. “And then you were just fucking gone. You just vanished and…” He choked on his words, squeezing his eyes shut, turning his head like he couldn’t even look at me when he said it. “I lost the only person who ever actually loved me, and then I was all alone. I went from having everything I’d always wanted, to nothing, all in the span of a few hours.”
I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I pulled my hands from his and covered my face, sobbing into my palms before he wrapped himself around me, his head pressing against mine. “I tried to move on,” he whispered into my hair. “I did. I tried so hard.” I shook my head against his chest. What happened while we were apart didn't matter anymore. “But I missed you too much,” he admitted. “I didn’t know how to exist without you. I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t…” His voice faltered again. “I promise you, I tried.” I cried harder, my chest aching with every word he gave me.
“I didn’t even want to wake up,” he said quietly. “Because I knew you wouldn’t be there, and now…” He pulled back just enough to look at me, his eyes red and wrecked, but full of something so raw, it hurt to meet it. “Now that I’ve found you? When I think I love you even more than before?” My breath hitched sharply, my heart feeling like it couldn’t hold everything he was giving me. “Leaving you…” he whispered, shaking his head slowly, like he couldn’t even process it. “That’s the last fucking thing I ever want to do.”
“I love you,” I cried, the words tearing out of me like they’d been waiting years to be said again. “I love you so much.” His hand came up, trembling as it cupped my cheek again, holding me there. He leaned forward, brushing his nose against mine.
“Can I kiss you, Evie?” he murmured. “Please? Please can I kiss you?” I pushed up and closed the gap between us, and his mouth pressed onto mine, soft and gentle, like he was trying to hold onto every second we had left. “I love you,” he said, brushing his thumb slowly over my bottom lip like he was trying to memorise the shape of it.
“I always have. I need you to remember that…when I go, okay? I love you so fucking much,” he rasped as he captured my lips again.
“I love you too,” I whispered against his, barely pulling away, our foreheads resting together as our breaths tangled. My heart sat in pieces in my chest, sharp and uneven, like even breathing was moving it further out of place.
I almost missed out on this feeling again. I almost spent the rest of my life not knowing what it felt like to be in his arms again, or to be touched without expecting it to hurt. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, letting myself sink into his warmth for just a moment, like I could pretend none of this existed, like pain and time weren’t circling us both.
For a heartbeat, it almost worked.
Then a crow screamed outside.
We both pulled back at the same time.
“You have to go,” I whispered, though it felt like something was being torn out of me as I said it. My hands stayed on his forearms, gripping tighter than I meant to.
“I’ll be back,” he said quickly. “I swear, Evie. I’ll be back before you even have time to think, and then all of this will be over,” he said before pulling me into his arms again. “Please be safe,” he whispered against my temple before stepping back, his fists clenched at his side.
“I love you,” I vowed as he walked backwards, his face pinched in agony as he backed up against the staircase.
“I love you,” he echoed immediately, voice cracking as his eyes glistened before he spun around and rushed up the stairs. The door stayed open as his footsteps pounded above me, each thump more distant than the last. I glanced around the basement as the front door slammed shut, and memories played like a reel in my mind.
“L-let me go! I promise I won't tell anyone!” I begged, my voice cracking into the silence like a whip. My body didn’t feel like mine anymore. It was distant, numb, like I’d already left it behind. A low laugh followed, rumbling from his chest as he took a step forward.
“Never again,” I promised to the room, the words swallowed immediately by the concrete and dust, heard by no one but me. I stood there for a second longer than I should have, the silence pressing in on my skin like it was listening back. Then I reached up and pulled the light off before I turned and climbed up the stairs. Each step was louder than the last in my ears, like the house was counting me out as I left.
When I reached the top, I pulled the door shut behind me, the click of the latch echoing through the hallway. I leaned my back against it, exhaling shakily as the wood gave a small, tired groan beneath my weight, like it had been holding its breath too.
“Never again.”
CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
EVIE
The silence in the farmhouse wasn’t quiet. It was loaded, like something was about to snap. Every second that passed felt borrowed, like the house was holding its breath and I was stuck inside it, counting down to something I couldn’t stop. I stood there staring at the front door, my chest rising too fast, waiting for either Wayne or Jackson to burst through.
Unable to just stand there, I moved quickly into the bedroom, my hands already shaking as I yanked open the drawers again. Wood scraped harshly against wood as I dragged them out and dumped everything onto the bed. When I found nothing, I moved again. One by one, I searched through the clothing, shoving my hands into pockets, turning them inside out, unrolling socks with trembling fingers. But I failed to find the silver key.
My heart was beating so hard, it felt like it was shaking my entire body apart, rattling through my ribs like it was trying to escape without me. I hurried towards the lounge and dropped to my knees, ripping the couch cushions off, tossing them aside, my fingers digging into the cracks and finding nothing but crumbs and dirt beneath them.
A broken sound left my throat as I pushed myself up, dragging my hands through my hair, pulling at the roots without as I moved towards the bathroom. I stumbled into it, throwing open cupboards so hard, they smacked against the walls. But they were empty and dusty, save for a dead cockroach curled in on itself.
I reached for the heart pendant at my throat, clutching it so tightly, it bit into my palm as I backed into the door and slid down it. “Please… please God, please God, please God…” I whispered, over and over, my eyes squeezed shut like that might make it all change. “Please let Jackson get help,” I breathed. “Please just let him make it back,” I prayed.
And then, I heard it.