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“What have you got against his brother?” David wants to know.
I scratch my stubble, unsure how to answer that. Before I can attempt to, Emily speaks.
“I think it’s a size thing. You see, Robbie’s hotel is bigger than Ally’s.”
“Oh!” David grins widely. “Ally, have you seen Robbie’s hotel? Is it bigger?”
I know Emily’s trying to make a joke—suggesting it’s really about the size of our dicks—but she doesn’t know the real reason Robbie and I will never see eye to eye. If she did, she wouldn’t make light of it.
While I normally try to avoid the resort at all costs, right now it feels like I’m being pulled towards it inexorably. Not only does Aidan want to team up with the Glen Garve for the launch of our business, but David—a close friend of Emily’s—is going on a date with Johnny.
I work hard to keep my anxiety contained—I refuse to lose my cool again—but all this chat about the resort is stressing me out. Maybe a bit of yoga is exactly what I need.
* * *
I offered Grace the restaurant for the yoga—it was available since we don’t serve dinner on Mondays—but Grace suggested we do it outside, in the garden, so here we are. It’s a nice spring evening. The sun is still out, and birds are chirping. We each have a mat—Grace always has a few in her car, apparently—and Emily and I have ours positioned side by side, facing Grace.
Our feet are bare, and I’m wearing a T-shirt and sports shorts while the girls are in more form-fitting clothes. It’s a good thing I’m not facing Emily because her skin-tight tank top and snug black leggings would have been a distraction. I can’t afford distractions right now: these yoga moves are demanding my full attention.
“Next, we’re going to move into a flow, our Sun Salutation,” Grace says in that calming voice she’s been using throughout.
Emily knows what this means, but I have to go between watching Grace and trying to bend my body into the shapes she demonstrates. No sooner do I get one pose figured out than she’s moving into the next one. She names them as we go: Mountain Pose into a forward fold, into an Upward-facing Dog then a Downward-facing Dog.
My body clicks a few times, which embarrasses me. I’d thought it was only older people’s bodies that made those noises. Jamie may not have been far off the mark with his comment earlier.
Grace and Emily, though, they make it look easy. Even just the forward fold . . . I don’t get how, from a standing position, they can bend over and place their palms flat on their mats. When I try . . . well, I’m about as flexible as an ironing board.
Grace must pick up on how I’m feeling because she says, “Remember, in yoga we’re all on our own personal journey, and we’re all at a different stage on that journey. Try not to compare yourself to others—there’s no peer pressure here. Just focus on your own body, your own movements.”
It’s not easy to push away my insecurities, but when I finally manage it, I get into the yoga. I really feel each stretch, and I enjoy the various poses and the sense of bodily and mental awareness they bring. A big part of my love of outdoor activities is the release I experience when I’m out on the river or climbing a cliff. Who knew I could get that just by doing stretches in the garden?
As we continue the routine, the only interruptions to my peace of mind come when an exercise requires me to turn to the side and face Emily. Watching her bend over or twist into any number of impressive positions, it’s impossible not to think of the fun we could have in the bedroom. I’d no idea she could move her body in such ways . . .
At the end of the practice, Grace has us adopt Shavasana, or Corpse Pose. This involves lying flat on our backs, our legs spread as wide as our mats, our arms out at forty-five degrees, our eyes closed. In this position, Grace guides us through a meditation, encouraging us to scan our bodies, searching for areas of tension.
I’m not used to lying still during the day—I’m normally always doing something—so it feels odd to me. I wonder if I’m wasting my time.
“Thoughts will come into your head as you perform this meditation,” Grace says. “Memories, plans for the future, worries, frustrations. The aim, however, is to be present in the here and now. Take a moment to open your eyes and gaze at the sky. See those clouds going by? Imagine your thoughts are those clouds. When a thought comes, acknowledge it, but try not to engage with it. Instead, allow it to drift away.”
Closing my eyes again, I try to do as Grace suggests. It’s amazing how persistent thoughts can be, how reluctant my mind is to focus on the present. They just keep on coming—concerns about money, about the future of the hotel, about whether the business with Aidan could really work. There’s also pain at the idea of teaming up with the resort, and suspicion about something I’ve long wondered if Robbie was responsible for. I try, however, to remain dispassionate as I acknowledge these things. I try not to let them affect me.
This is easier said than done—the thoughts about Robbie are particularly troublesome—but it’s helpful to be reminded that we’re the masters of our emotions. Just because an idea pops into my head doesn’t mean I have to act on it or allow it to spoil my mood.
By the time the meditation ends, I’m relaxed, far more at peace than I usually feel.
Grace has us sit up at our own pace, then—placing her hands together and bowing her head—she says, “Namaste.”
I copy the movement and the utterance. Filled with a sense of lightness and positivity, I get to my feet.
Grace collects my mat with a serene smile. “I hope you found that helpful.”
“I did. I really did. I feel . . . great.” I glance at Emily, who’s still sitting cross-legged, apparently in no rush to get up. I take Grace aside and say in a low voice, “Look, I know you don’t approve of me and Emily, but—”
Grace places a hand on my shoulder. “It’s not that I don’t approve, exactly. You obviously care about Emily, and it’s nice there’s another person looking out for her. But as her best friend, it’s natural I worry about her rushing into things after, well . . . everything.”
I open my mouth to reply, but just then, Emily gets to her feet.
Grace squeezes my shoulder then walks over to collect Emily’s mat. “I’m going to pop these back in the car then go for a late-evening walk. Sleep well, you two. I’ll see you in the morning.” She gives Emily a hug, then to my surprise, she gives me one too.