Page 14

“You—”

I cut him off. “I need my mom. I need my dad. I need people in my life and—my baby is going to need people in its life.”

“Your baby will have Holt.” His argument is beginning to sound weak.

I think perhaps it sounds weak to him, too.

“I’m not willing to leave Rubble Ridge anymore. I’m no longer willing to sacrifice everything for hockey—for Holt. Not now that I have someone else, I’m meant to care for. I’m not willing to be the girl who sits at home, hiding away with a baby while her man becomes this great and famous hockey player.” I finally tear my eyes from the trees to look at Tate. “I’m no longer willing to be that girl.”

“But he deserves to know.”

I meet Tate’s eyes and will him to hear this truth. “If I tell him, he’ll do the right thing, Tate.”

Tate nods firmly. “He will.”

He’s not understanding.

I pull in breath and say, “If I tell him I’m pregnant and that I’m not willing to do this away from my family, he’ll come home. And he’ll lose hockey.”

Tate’s jaw snaps shut. Reality settles in for him as it settled in for me. Like a blow to the gut. A blade to the heart.

It shreds his soul to ribbons that tangle with mine…

“Faye—”

I smile weakly to meet his weak protest. “He’s worked so hard. He deserves this life, Tate. You know he does.”

“He deserves you.” He shakes his head, fighting like I’ve been fighting for the past two weeks. Turning our future over and over in my mind. Trying to find some reality where we both win.

“He’ll give up hockey for us. He’ll do the right thing today, but down the road—he’ll regret me.” Tate’s eyes fall to my hand on my belly. “He’ll regret us—for everything we took from him.”

“Faye…”

“I don’t want him to live in the past, constantly wondering what could have been. What he could have become if only—” I cut off as sharp emotion cuts through me. “I can’t let him sacrifice all his dreams for a life he told me he didn’t want. I can’t—and I hope that you can understand that.”

6

LET IT BE ME

AUGUST 2009 – 20 YEARS OLD

Ihaven’t thought of anything but Holt and Faye since I dropped her off at home yesterday. Work has been brutal. Dad wants to know where my head is at. He thinks it’s because I broke things off with Laura, which I mentioned to Tanner and Tanner let slip to Dad.

Truth be told, I really haven’t thought of Laura at all, which makes me even more of an asshole.

That puts me deeper into my head.

I get stuck there when I get a text from Holt around one in the afternoon.

Holt: She says she’s not coming to Toronto. I don’t know what’s going on…I can’t get away right now.

I don’t reply. I don’t know what the fuck I’m meant to say anymore.

Yeah, he deserves to know he’s fathering a kid. But Faye’s right, too. I know my brother, and I know he’ll choose her and the baby. He’ll do the right thing—and I know he’ll resent her for it.

He’ll become everything Faye fears. I can see it plain as day in my mind. The made-it-big in high school kid that fucked it all up and lives exclusively in the what-ifs of the past.

It’s not fair to her, him, or the kid.