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His hand tightens around mine before he lifts it to his lips. He kisses my knuckles tenderly before he flashes me a smile that thaws just a little of the ice Holt left behind.

“Then it’s a good thing that I have the best, isn’t it?”

My throat tightens.

I wish I could agree, but because I can’t summon the words to argue through the thickness in my airways, I do nothing at all.

Mom looks like she might cry. Dad looks like he’s trying to hold back tears with all that he is, too. Elise looks crushed and Herman is angry.

I drop my eyes to the table, unable to fight the quivering of my chin. I don’t want them to see that I don’t feel strong. I don’t want them to see all the guilt that threatens to crush my soul to dust.

“When is the baby due?” Herman demands, like Tate knew he would.

“Late April,” Tate answers.

Like Tate knew he would, Herman’s mind races as he works backward to conception. Like Tate planned, he comes up short for Holt to be the father. His hand curls into a tight fist that lands on the table hard enough to make everyone jump in their seats.

“Damn it, boy,” he grits, shooting to his feet.

“Herman,” Elise soothes, but there’s a warning there in the undercurrent of it.

It’s a warning he fails to hear as he whirls to face Tate. “Does Holt know? Does your brother know you knocked up his girl?”

“Herman Wilder, that is enough!” Elise snaps, and Herman’s eyes cut to her. The hardness burns away to a sadness that threatens to cut me like a blade. It’s all I can do to keep my sob buried in the deep of me.

Herman’s chin quivers.

There’s nothing like seeing a grown man on the edge of tears. There’s nothing quite like watching a man’s strength drain away into soul crushing disappointment.

There’s nothing like being the source of that disappointment for a man you’ve grown to respect and love dearly.

If I could move, I’d flee.

The room falls into stillness as Tate says, “He knows. I called him over a month ago. I left him a message and told him everything.” Tate sighs hard. “He never called. Not me or Faye. And he hasn’t bothered to come back. Not in the beginning when she decided to stay and not when she became mine.” He looks right into his father’s eyes as he says, “He never fought for her, Pop. Didn’t even try. He just let her go, so, yeah, this baby Faye carries is my baby. The ring she wears is my ring. And the life we build now is a life outside of hockey and Holt.” He pulls in a deep breath, his chest rising and falling hard as he takes my hand in his. “If you can’t be supportive of us, of our life, then you’re not going to be part of it. Because I won’t feel guilty for another day about loving this woman. About fighting for her—because, Dad, I’ll fight for her until the day I die.”

A chill sweeps across the room as silence falls into the stillness left in the aftermath of Tate’s declaration.

Elise breaks the ice. “I’m going to be a grandma.”

Mom lets out a sound between a sob and a laugh. “We’re going to have a grandbaby.” Her hands clap together before lips that tremble. My eyes connect with watery eyes that swim with emotion. “My baby is having a baby.”

Chair legs scrape over the floor as Mom pushes away from the table, coming for me. I stand to meet her, and my soul breathes a sigh of relief when she pulls me into her arms, holding me close and hard. She kisses my hair and laughs a trembling laugh.

Then I feel Dad move in close, closing his arms around both his girls.

“Our baby is having a baby, Candy,” he says through the thickness in his own throat. “Time sure does fly.”

They release me as Elise takes my hands between her own. “You were always meant to be part of our family, one way or another.” She smiles a bittersweet smile, and I hate that I know she aches even as she forces herself to celebrate. “Congratulations, sweet girl.” She pulls me in close, whispering in my ear, “Know that I’m always here, no matter what.” Her whisper drops as her arms tighten around me. “And I’m so sorry.”

I never asked what Elise was sorry for. I never found the courage or summoned the will.

But deep down, I think she always knew the truth.

14

WHO KNEW?

DECEMBER 2009 – 18 YEARS OLD