The Love Between the First and Last
Page 53
“Good. The nausea is mostly gone.” Now, it’s only when I smell chicken cooking that I feel sick. “Which is amazing because it was brutal.”
“I bet.” Andy gives a shiver. “I can’t imagine being pregnant.”
Shy looks to her. “You don’t want kids?”
Andy winces at me as she shakes her head. Then she says, “I think I’m meant to be the fun auntie.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I tell her, and she smiles.
“Does Micha want kids?” Shy asks bluntly. Shy has never had a filter and isn’t likely to find one any time soon. As though to prove my point, she says, “Elijah wants kids.”
My interest piques even as Andy scowls. “You’ve talked about having kids?”
Shy nods. “It came up after you—um—told us about you and Tate. About the baby.”
“Oh.”
“We weren’t talking about you, about you. It’s just that you’re the first one from high school having a baby and…”
I wave off her blundering. “I get it.”
A breath puffs from between her cheeks, and she releases a nervous laugh. “Thank God.” She tucks a strand of blonde curls behind her ear, pinning her attention to Andy. “So?”
“So, what?” Andy asks tensely.
Shy doesn’t seem to read the tension as she presses. “Does Micha want kids? Did you even ask?”
“I asked.” Andy reaches into the box of treats for a gooey croissant. She takes a big bite and mutters, “He said eventually.”
Shy winces. “Did you tell him you don’t want kids?”
Andy nods.
“And?” Shy presses. “What did he say?”
“He said I’d change my mind.”
I free the lip I’ve been biting to ask hesitantly, “And how do you feel about that?”
“I feel like it’s just confirmation that we’re not working out.”
Shy’s mouth drops. “Wait, what?”
Andy shrugs like she doesn’t care. She does, though. I can read her hurt through her act. “Everything just feels so different since we graduated. I just thought—I don’t know, but I thought it would feel different, you know?”
“I get it,” I tell her. “This is not how I pictured my life turning out, either.”
“I bet,” Andy mutters again. She winces. “I just mean I didn’t see this for you, either. But if you’re happy, I’m happy.”
“But you’re not happy, are you?” It’s my turn to poke.
Andy sighs, then she shakes her head. “No. I’m not.”
“Why?” Shy asks. “Micha loves you. He’s been in love with you for forever.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough.” Andy says softly. “Just look at Faye and Holt.”
I try my best not to flinch. I fail.