The Love Between the First and Last
Page 83
I wonder if it ever gets easier to see an ex, whether you see them on the cover of a magazine or in person. Andy moved to the city to get away from seeing Micha, and his now wife, Mandy. That had been a brutal time for her. Watching hadn’t been much easier. I still don’t know if she made a mistake by letting Micha go. Her life is beautiful and wholly suited to everything she says she’s ever wanted or dreamed about—but her lonely heart hurts. I know it does.
Sometimes, I can’t help but see Andy and wonder if Holt feels like she feels. Like perhaps all those big dreams of more weren’t entirely worth the sacrifices his heart had to pay.
But unlike Andy—Holt’s choices were made for him.
Maybe that’s why I feel the guilt I feel. It’s the part I played in the hurt he harbours.
And then I look at my life. My son and the man who takes such tender care of us. When I look at them, I can’t help but believe that life works in mysterious ways. That despite the mess of our feelings, fate knew just the paths we were meant to take. That all the love and pain and messy mistakes were fated to play out just as they have for the grand purpose of this crazy thing we call life.
“Thank goodness you’re back.” Elise appears from the hall leading to Herman’s office, widening her eyes theatrically. “That man’s going to morph into a bear if we don’t get something in him ASAP.”
I lift the paper bag with a waggle. “Here to save the day.”
Elise takes the bag as I shrug out of my wet jacket, hanging it on the rack by the door. She plucks Herman’s sub from the bag, already walking it to his office as I move to the coffee pot to pour myself a cup.
I don’t need the extra jitters after the excitement my heart has just lived through, but I gulp the caffeine back anyway, turning to the sound of the bells jingling on the door in time to see my husband and his closest friend, Tanner, walk through. Both men splash droplets of rainwater on the floor as they shake out their hair.
“Like dogs,” I huff.
“Hey, now.” Tate makes a grab for me that I dodge—just barely.
“Don’t get me wet, Tatum Wilder.”
Tanner snorts, muffling it with a fist.
Tate’s eyes shine. “Later, sweetheart.” He winks, the scoundrel. “Promise.”
“Someone’s ambitious,” I mutter, sipping my coffee as I slide behind my desk, eyeing the men over the rim of the cup.
Tate’s eyes crinkle with a grin as he leans into the other side of my desk. I catch a wave of his cologne—and the sawdust that mingles with the rain. The agitation inside my belly slows to a calm. It’s the same calm I always feel when Tate is close.
The man eases me.
His grin slowly falls as he studies me. “You okay?”
I swallow the lump in my throat, forcing a nod. “Yeah.”
Elise’s returns, “Oh, you’re here.”
Tate nods. “Rained out.”
Elise’s eyes drift to the window and she sighs a heavy sigh. “Figures.”
Tate pushes to his full height as he pushes off my desk. “Dad freaking out about deadlines?”
Elise pulls her sub from the bag. “You know it. We’ve never been busier.” Her eyes shift to me, and she smiles proudly. “With word of Faye’s talents making their rounds, we’ve never had so many renovation calls.”
“She’s good at what she does,” Tate praises, but I can feel his eyes studying me, trying to peel back the layers of whatever has upset me.
“We going to have to hire another crew?” Tanner pours himself a coffee.
Elise shakes her head. “I think with winter coming it’ll slow down. We just have to hold on until then.”
“Dad back there?” Tate swings his thumb in the direction of Herman’s office.
“Sure is,” Elise mutters. “But you might want to hold off on whatever it is. He’s in a mood.”
Tate rolls his lips as he rocks back on his heels. “Right.” He dips his chin. “Well, I’m gonna grab a bite with Tanner, but I’ll grab Owen from school today and meet you at home.”