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Underneath all of that is the persistent sadness that comes from thinking about how this thing that felt so good and right is crumbling.

Of course being this out of control makes my OCD flare up something awful. My stress levels keep setting it off, and no amount of calming techniques seem to be helping. I just keep turning everything over and over again in my head, unable to stop. Genevieve’s voice is in there too, calling me naive, telling me that there’s more going on underneath the surface. I don’t even know what that means, but it won’t leave me alone.

I feel like a wreck, my stomach in knots.

I end up grabbing my phone and sending a text to my group chat with the guys, asking them to meet me somewhere private to talk. After sneaking around so much with Ares, I know all the places in Hope Falls where people can talk without anyone overhearing.

They all agree to come and arrive together. I can’t read their expressions, which doesn’t make me feel better at all. Unfortunately this also reminds me of the blow-up with Ares, that feeling of finality where no amount of talking or reasoning can put things back the way they were.

All three of them seem to be waiting for me to say something, so I just get it over with.

“My parents heard the rumors,” I say. “They confronted me about it this morning. My manager knows now too, so it’s spread beyond Hope Falls.”

“Shit,” Tate curses. “People really are nosy as fuck. It’s none of their business.”

“It’s not, but it’s out there now. I think we can all agree this spiraled out of control in a big way. Maybe it would have been smarter to end things when we got here, so there was no chance of this happening, but it’s not like we can go back and change that.” None of them speak up to say anything there, so I keep going. “It’s probably better if we just call it now though. Make a clean break. We probably shouldn’t have gotten carried away, and it’s safer to end things now before it gets any messier.”

I glance at each one of them. “Tate, Callan, and I can tell people it was just a fling or an experiment kind of thing and brush it off. Let it blow over.” I look at Ares for a second before glancing away. “And your family never needs to know. It’s not like Catherine saw you in the bed with us. You can just let them think you weren’t involved.”

For a moment, no one says anything. Then Tate gives me a look I can’t quite read. “Is that what you really want?” he asks.

Deep down, I can admit it’s not. But what am I supposed to do? With so much on my shoulders, so much at stake and no idea where they all stand, this is all I can think to do. So I just nod. “Yes. It is.”

He nods. “Okay then.”

Callan doesn’t meet my eyes. His shoulders are tense, and his jaw is tight. “If that’s what you want,” he says.

Ares stares at me for a long moment, his arms folded over his chest, but then he nods too.

And that’s that, I guess.

43

ARES

We go back to the cabin after that conversation, but everything feels wrong. The Christmas tree in the corner, lit up and decorated, seems like it’s mocking me. It feels like it was more than just a few days ago that we put it up, back when things were so much less complicated. Or at least they felt like they were.

Tate goes into the kitchen and throws himself into cooking something, and Callan disappears into his room, probably to doodle or mess around with tattooing himself.

I’m jealous that they have outlets like that. I try to read, try to go through my emails. I even try to play some of the board games by myself, but nothing works. I feel restless and agitated, unable to get the look in Brynn’s eyes out of my head.

Everything just happened so fucking fast. It feels like I got somehow sucked into a vortex where nothing is in my control, and I feel like I’m playing catch up, trying to figure out what’s going on in my own life. But at the same time, I feel stupid for not seeing this coming sooner. Because honestly, what did I expect to happen? Did I really think I could get Brynn back for good? Especially knowing we were coming back here, the place where everything good between us got broken the first time? Did I really think that me and my friends could share her and it would just go on like that and become a real relationship?

Maybe I was trying hard not to think about it. Maybe I got too caught up in the sex and being allowed to be close to Brynn for the first time in eight years. She always had a way of making everything that existed outside of me and her disappear for a while, so maybe I just let that carry me too far.

My phone buzzes against the coffee table, and I see it’s my mom calling. Probably to ask where I am, why I’m not smiling and being charming at the festival right now. As much as I’d rather not talk to her in this moment, I know she’ll just keep calling, so I snatch the phone up and answer it.

“Hi, honey,” she says. “I was just thinking about your speech for the festival, and I wanted to go over some ideas with you. I know you probably already have something in mind to say, but we need to be on the same page on what will send the right message, right?”

“Sure,” I reply automatically. It’s always been easier to just give in when she’s like this.

“Are you busy? I’m at the house, so we could talk about it now if you want.”

The cabin is as quiet and grim as a funeral home right now, and maybe getting out and thinking about something else will be good for me. “Okay. I’ll head over there now.”

“Excellent. See you soon, Ares.”

I hang up and go grab my coat, leaving Tate and Callan at the cabin.