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The kitchen disappeared when I opened my eyes.
My cheek rested against the dining table in the safe house. Dawn pressed weak gray light around the curtains, and my right hand remained closed around nothing. The letters waited beneath my other arm. Henry’s name stared up from the envelope I hadn’t been able to fill.
For several minutes, I didn’t move.
The cedar scent remained inside my memory, along with the warmth of Salvatore’s hand and the sound of his voice asking for something he had no right to request and I had no ability to refuse.
A floorboard shifted behind me.
Rurik stood in the doorway, shirt wrinkled, hair disordered, the shadow along his jaw suggesting he hadn’t slept any more than I had. His gaze moved from my face to the envelopes spread across the table. “You were writing goodbyes.”
It wasn’t a question. I sat upright and gathered the envelopes without attempting to hide them.
“Yes.”
Rurik’s expression didn’t change, but his hand tightened against the doorframe. “Were?”
“I’m not finished with the truth.” My fingers pressed along the edge of the envelope securing Mom and Cian’s letter. “But I’m not going to offer it my life before it asks.”
He remained in the doorway. “What changed?”
“Salvatore asked me to live.”
Rurik accepted the answer without asking whether I had dreamed, hallucinated, or spoken to a dead man across a kitchen table in Montana. He came into the room and sat opposite me.
“He was right.”
“You said the same thing in the car.”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t hear you.”
“I know.” Rurik’s gaze settled on Henry’s empty envelope.
“You heard him.”
Pain entered his eyes, but he didn’t look away. “I know that too.”
The kiss returned to the space between us. This time, I refused to let silence protect either of us from it.
“I can’t love you, Rurik.”
His face remained controlled. “I know.”
“I don’t want you waiting for that to change.”
“I’m not waiting.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“Keeping you alive.”
“For Salvatore?”
“For you.” His voice remained even, though the answer cost him. “The kiss will not happen again.”
I searched his face. “Are you sorry?”
