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I think living in the ‘burbs is getting to you.

Avi

I mean, to be fair, kitten, you were the one who said we needed a better organizational system.

Felix

Only after the watermelon pool floaty incident. And I just said maybe we shouldn’t leave a group of psychopaths unattended with sharp objects and an uneven number of floatation devices. And I was right.

Noah

That’s why I’ve made some adjustments this year. It’s a much better system this time around. I promise.

Felix

You said that at Christmas, too. And that got us a PowerPoint presentation on gift-giving etiquette.

Noah

That PowerPoint saved lives. Literally.

Felix

It also started a fight that ended with someone setting the Christmas stockings on fire in protest.

Adam

That was an accident.

Noah

There will be no more accidents. I factored in all past mistakes into this year’s newsletter. The assigned pool floaties will fix everything. How is this not computing?

Adam

Babe, do you think that the twins took out Beatrice because we hadn’t been assigned pool floaties?

Noah

Don’t piss me off. I’ve planned this day down to the minute. There will be no chance for any of the children (including you) to go rogue and do something crazy. There will be no doll torture, no fighting over the grill, no pool floaty anarchy.

Adam

Crazy? What did I do?

Noah

Do you remember who started last year’s Cabbage Patch doll debacle?

Jericho

I do. It’s burned into my brain forever.

Adam

Babe, I don’t think you can type A your way out of Mulvaney family chaos. No matter how good your plan, the Mulvaneys will Mulvaney.

Noah