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When I came to, I was on the ground weeping. Looking around, there was a mess of broken furniture and shattered glass. I didn’t remember doing that. When did I do that? I barely remembered the past day. Was Starla still alive? Did she fall into the dark, like my mom? Like the others?

I don’t want the dark to take her.

My feet were moving, and I was at the basement door. Pushing it open, I ran down there to find it empty. Did she escape? Did I do something? I wouldn’t do that. Not to my bluebird, I wouldn’t.

“Starla? My darling? Where are you?” I yelled out, running through every inch of the house. Not here. Not here. Where was she? Did my bluebird fly away? No, no, no.

A thought came to me. I ran out the door into the light. When did the sun come up? I ran to the back of the house near the shed by the lake. The board over the hole flipped up. I peered into the hole, and there she was. My pretty bluebird, covered in filth.

“Starla! Are you alive? Are you breathing?” I waited and waited, until she finally spoke.

“I’m here.”

Two words. So faint and quiet. She was fading. Fuck, fuck. I couldn’t let her fly away. Not yet. Not ever.

I fled to the shed. There was a ladder tall enough to lean into the hole for her to climb. I grabbed it and hurried back to the hole. I unfolded the ladder and threw the bottom down. It landed with a thud. It was tall enough for her to get to the top. I’d have to haul her out.

“Climb, Starla, climb out and I’ll catch you.”

“No… I want to die down here. Just let me die.”

I shook my head. “Not an option. If you don’t climb up, I’ll come down there and get you myself.”

It was silent for a little while. Finally, she started to climb. I could see her limbs shaking with every movement. She made it to the top, and I hauled her out.

She landed on top of me, and for a moment, we stared into each other’s eyes. It was like in the movies. There was a connection that passed through. Could she learn to love me? Does she love me already?

She was nice to me when I was Milo. Maybe she could learn to love Malakar. I’ll make her love me. I reached out to pet her head. Her wide eyes were glistening. They were a gorgeous emerald color. It reminded me of the meadow by the childhood house. My mother used to take me on strolls through that meadow.

She leapt off and started to run. It happened so fast, I could barely process it. I watched her black hair fly in the wind. Her bare feet running so fast. Not fast enough.

I caught up to her, and tackled her to the ground. She screamed and fought. Her nails scratched my arms. I grabbed her and slammed her head onto the ground.

I didn’t want to hurt you. You made me, you made me. You disobeyed. I had to. I had to.

Good son. Good son. Good son.

She didn’t pass out, but her eyes became less focused. She winced and stopped fighting. I picked her up and carried her back into the house. Walking up the stairs, I took her to the bathroom.

I peeled off the clothes she had on, and laid her in the tub. She pulled away and cried out, I hushed her.

“You’re filthy. I need to clean you up.”

“No, leave me alone…” My little bluebird tried to pull away from me, but I held on.

“Never.”

I scrubbed soap over her skin and turned the faucet on. Under the sink, there was a bucket. I took the bucket and filled it with water. Once it was full, I dumped portions of the water over her, little by little, washing the soap off.

“Stop! It’s so cold, Malakar, so cold.” She tried to wrap her arms around herself, but I yanked them away. Her whole body was drenched and shivering. She had to learn.

“I’m trying to help you get clean! Stop struggling,” I snapped, scrubbing more soap, then pouring more water.

She was finally clean, not a speck of dirt on her. I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. I dried her hair with a towel, then dried her skin. She sat there like a good little girl. Eyes downcast, face devoid of any emotion.

“Smile for me, Starla, I always loved your smile.”

She didn’t move. I frowned and slapped her. “I said to smile for me!”