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“Let’s try a course of letrozole. You’ll take it for five days at the start of your next cycle. I think it’ll be just the thing to jiggle the handle, as they say. I’ll have the script sent over to your pharmacy today.”

“What kind of side effects can she expect?” Lock asked, his face filled with concern.

“Some don’t experience any,” she said. “But the most common ones are headaches, hot flashes, and the occasional mild mood swing. But they’re temporary if you have them at all. Should you experience anything that impacts your day-to-day, give me a call. But you’ll do fine. Trust me. A year from now, I hope to have you picking out cribs.”

Lock beamed. It was hard for me to feel relief. I needed to study these numbers. Figure out what it all meant. In the short term, it told me what I’d always suspected. I was the problem. I might not be able to give Lock a baby. And for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.

“Thank you,” Lock said. He reached over the desk and shook Dr. Wexler’s hand. I went on autopilot and did the same.

As we got to the car, Lock embraced me. “I told you,” he said. “It’s going to happen.”

“Then you heard something different than I did. She wants me on fertility drugs. I’m the problem.”

He looked skyward. “Will you stop? There’s nothing wrong with you. You just need a little jump start. That’s it. You’re missing the big picture, my dove.”

Dove. Dove. Dove. Corrine Egan’s WhisprMatch screenshots floated in my mind. I had a demon sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear. Why was I doing this? Why did I always get in the way of my own happiness? Lock wasn’t the bad guy. Daniel Palicki was. Wasn’t he? I just could not shake my doubts about Amy Pasko’s lineup ID. I wished I’d been there. What I did see was her turning to Detective McCallister for assurance one too many times. Had McCallister tainted her statement? If only Corrine had been able to corroborate everything.

Lara Pasko had a red ribbon in her car. Now, we knew Gretchen Small did too. Every time I thought I could dismiss it, that tiny seed of doubt was still there. I checked my phone compulsively, waiting to hear back from Dennison on the search of Daniel Palicki’s home.

“Think of how much more fun we get to have practicing,” Lock continued, a sinful growl in his tone. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pressing me backward into a low dip as if we were dancing. He ran his lips along my neck, sending searing heat along the path despite my mood. How could he still have this effect on me? Then he set me upright and opened the car door.

I wanted to share his optimism. But I just could not shake the feeling of impending doom. I stayed quiet the whole way home. Lock gave me my space. But when we pulled into the garage, he turned to me.

“Mina, look at me.”

“I’m okay. Really. I’m just trying to absorb it all.”

“No, you’re not. You’re catastrophizing again. I know that look. That tone. Our doctor just told you we’ve got nothing to worry about. There’s no reason we can’t have a baby together with time. But all you heard was that there’s something wrong with you. There isn’t.”

“I want to believe that.”

“Then do,” he said. “Baby, I always know what you’re thinking. So let’s play out your worst-case scenario. You know I don’t like to. But we’ll do it anyway.”

“Lock—”

“No, Mina, stop. If it doesn’t work. If you never get pregnant, it won’t matter to me. I need you to believe that. There are other ways to become parents when we’re ready for it.”

I screwed my eyes shut. I couldn’t even look at him.

“If it doesn’t work out this way, it’s because it wasn’t supposed to.”

“What do you mean?” I opened my eyes and watched as his shoulders dropped. Darkness settled in his eyes. The kind that frightened me. The kind that usually meant he would go stone cold like he did in the rose garden.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing if I didn’t pass on my genes, Mina.”

“Don’t ever say that,” I said, almost on impulse. “That’s your father talking.” He’d never said anything like that before. Did he believe it? Did I? I felt terrible. I could see he was hurting, and I was making it worse.

“I know my own mind. And I know I love you. I know I cannot live without you. I know I was drowning before you came into my life. And I wanted to. I wanted to sink to the bottom of that river, just like Bennett did. I deserved it for what I did to him.”

“You didn’t kill Bennett. Your mother’s a liar. I’m sorry, but she is. It was an accident. You were a kid and you thought you were doing the right thing. Because you were doing the right thing. You were trying to get your little brother away from your dad. It wasn’t your fault.”

His whole body started to shake. He could turn so quickly. Going from happy, loving one moment, to hard and tortured the next. I’d triggered him. I hadn’t meant to.

“Lock,” I said. “I think we both have to stop. You’re right. I have to stop thinking the world is going to fall apart on me every other second. And you have to stop thinking you’re not worthy of being loved.”

He got out of the car. It had started to drizzle. He walked up the drive and around the side of the house. I followed, having to run to catch up with him.

“Lock!”