Page 98

Everything and nothing, all at once. Pulses between my legs that careen outward like lightning.

“Yes!” I scream. “Yes, like that. Yes!”

He stays inside me for a few minutes, and as reality comes back to me, I open my eyes.

That was me screaming. And I was screaming really loud.

I lie beneath him, staring at the ceiling.

Nathaniel’s breath warms the side of my neck. For one strange moment, he doesn’t move away.

His body is heavy over mine.

And I feel…

I don’t know how I feel.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel gratified or ashamed. Satisfied or reckless.

Maybe all of it.

Nathaniel moves off me. He sits on the edge of the bed and runs both hands through his hair. Then he zips his pants.

“I should go,” I say.

He looks back at me then. “You’re in your room.”

“I mean to work.” I push my skirt down, covering myself.

“Ella—”

“I’m already late.”

I gather what dignity I can find, which is very little, and button my uniform with shaking fingers. It’s hopelessly wrinkled. My hair is half loose again. My mouth probably looks swollen. My cheeks are hot. My arm is streaked with red from Charlotte’s nails. And of course my eyes are still a mess from my earlier bawling. I open my dresser drawer and search for another uniform.

None, of course. Today is laundry day.

I open my mouth to tell Nathaniel to leave after I do, so no one sees him, but then I close it. Why should I lecture him on discretion? Surely he knows.

I smooth the uniform I’m wearing, open the door, and slip into the hallway.

And walk directly into Audrey.

For one suspended second, neither of us speaks.

Then she sees me.

All of me.

Wrinkled uniform.

Loose hair.

Flushed face.

Barely steady breath.

“What are you doing?” she demands.