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The stark hurt on his face could not be hidden, and sudden tears sprang to her eyes. She knew that she should not, could not, and therefore would not, but the desire to was there.

It was like having her deepest, most secret wish granted, only to have it snatched away. Not even snatched. She had to be the one to push it away.

And it hurt. Far more than the spanking did.

Turning in place, Mei ran to the door and opened it, dashing down the hallway before Sebastian could say another word. Before he could make her want any more than she already did.

Before she made a monumental mistake. An even bigger one than she already had.

38

Sebastian

Staring at the open door into the dark hallway, Sebastian felt his heart sink into his feet. He slowly lowered himself back onto the day bed, his body following that sinking feeling all the way down. His whole chest hurt across the breadth of it, as if he was being tightly squeezed by an iron band. It was difficult to get enough air into his lungs, and his jaw clenched against the emotion that made his eyes water.

That… had not gone as planned.

Though, as the memory of Mei’s horrified expression swam through his mind, he did not think it was the ham-handed method of proposal that had appalled her, but the very idea of marriage to him. The thoroughness of her rejection had him feeling utterly empty inside.

He’d thought she would at least be considering…

But no, it appeared the thought had not even crossed her mind.

Or, if it had, not in a way that was hopeful.

Why not?

It was not himself that she objected to, of that he was sure. There was a connection between them that could not be denied. She desired him as much as he desired her.

She had never taken another lover before, but she had chosen him for her first.

So, what had gone so horribly wrong?

Sebastian played through what she’d said again in his head.

I cannot marry you.

I am a matchmaker, not a match.

I am not even ton.

I cannot marry you; I will not marry you.

As much as that last one hurt, it did his heart some good to realize that her objection was not to him personally. She would not marry him because of his position in Society. There were many title-hunters among the ton, and he’d had the vast misfortune to fall in love with a woman who wanted nothing to do with his.

Because he was in love with her.

That fact was undeniable now that she had rejected him. There was no other explanation for the yawning pit of emptiness that now filled him, as though she’d snatched all the warmth of the world away with her departure. There was no other reason why he’d feel so damn bereft… and so damned certain that he had to win her back.

Because there was no future in which he could imagine any woman other than Mei as his wife.

Tiffany was taken care of. His mother could take care of herself.

While his current heir might be a distant cousin, he would do well enough by Sebastian’s mother and estate. Just look at Northumberland and how well he was managing Sinclair’s. Although Sebastian had wanted to keep the title in his family line, without Mei, the whole procedure seemed pointless.

Sebastian did not want a wife; he wanted Mei as his wife. No substitute would do. Not even if the rest of Society considered it his duty.

Taking a deep breath, Sebastian felt himself settle. Mei’s objections had to do with Society, and as far as he was concerned, Society could go hang itself. She had clearly not expected such an offer from him. To go from believing herself to be his lover to an offer elevating her to wife and duchess… well, that had clearly shocked her.