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A watery laugh escaped my lips. “All of that, and that’s what you ask me?”

His gaze met mine, and a soft smirk found its way onto his face, breaking through his sadness and our joint confusion on where we stood. He was lit aglow by the warm lamplight, his bronze skin shining. “You don’t need to know who you are now, but maybe some of the pieces are the same, and maybe we can figure out which ones are different. So, is your favorite color still yellow?”

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms in front of me. “How do you even know that?”

“I pay attention,” he murmured, a soft smile touching his lips as he began to reminisce. “After Oliver got married, I asked how he managed to land Theo. That woman was light-years out of his league. He told me to pay attention to whoever I fell for someday, so I did. I paid attention to you, Goldie. Your favorite color was… is yellow. But not just one shade: every yellow in the sunset and sunrise together.”

I couldn’t help but smile at this ridiculous man, a surprised chuckle escaping from me. “Fine. You’re right. What else do you know?”

“You… Marigold Taylor… we’ll get to the whole not-using-your-real-name thing later… you like thriller books, but also romance. Not that you would admit it—it would break your hard-ass boss persona. You can’t cook for shit—”

“Hey!” I protested with a barely concealed laugh.

He smiled, sitting up on the couch. “No offense, baby, but if it’s not from a box, whatever you make is nearly inedible. I'm not judging; no one said you had to be an expert. What else is there? Some new things: you need a night-light to sleep.” I sobered, but my heart warmed at his words. “You triple-check that the locks on the doors are engaged every night, but you only check River’s window—keeping him safe. You’re oddly good at entertaining my four-year-old child. It makes up for the fact that he lives off mac and cheese at the moment.”

This time I did laugh; I couldn't help it. While Lexington didn’t make the fear of what my life had become go away, he made it easier to manage. Quieter.

“You are also an absolute champ at getting his shoes on and making sure he keeps them on—that alone deserves an Olympic medal,” his whole face lit up with a smile now, his gaze trained on mine. “You have managed to call me on my shit while also making me see my own worth. You are the first person who has seen me: not Oliver’s brother, not fun-loving Lex, but me. The man I really am under all the armor I keep up.”

His smile dropped, and he glanced down at his hands. “I’m sorry, Goldie. About what happened between us. I need you to know I’m ashamed—”

“Lexington,” I interrupted. “It’s okay, really. I know it was just a kiss, and I know I made a mountain out of a molehill. It’s… it’s just that was my first kiss, and you were my first crush. My only one, really.”

“That just makes it worse, doesn’t it?” he mumbled.

I shrugged. “At first, maybe. But there was so much more at play than just us. If you haven’t been able to realize it, I have some pretty intense abandonment issues, and I think you forgetting about me amplified those. I don’t want to hold on to that anger anymore. It’s not worth it to me anymore. I almost died, Lexington—”

“Don’t.” His voice was stern and direct as he interrupted, but I could see in his eyes it wasn’t out of anger. It was out of heartbreak hearing what happened to me.

And he didn’t know all of it. I hadn’t told a soul, but maybe it was time I laid all my cards on the table. I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know who I would become, but I did know that I wanted Lexington to know the truth.

“No,” I shot back. “I need to say this. Because I did almost die. I should be dead. I was held in a fucking hole for two months with a boy who should be dead, too. It was days upon days of fear, and anger, and stress, and terror. Complete and utter terror. I didn’t know where I was, who I was, or what would happen to me.” I felt tears start trailing down my cheeks as I spoke, months of emotions pouring out of me. “The things that man did to me, the things he took from me… I didn’t know if I would ever recover. And maybe I won’t, but I refuse to live in that anger anymore. In the anger of my parents' deaths, in the anger of my brother’s abandonment, in the anger of you forgetting about me, in the anger of what that man did to me. I don’t want to live in the shadows anymore. I want to feel the sun on my face, and feel my soul grow light.”

My chest heaved as I finished my speech, and for the first time in months… maybe years, the weight that had held me down my whole life was just a bit lighter, a bit easier to carry.

Lexington stared at me with wide eyes, and I noticed his hands were clenched in tight fists, the knuckles losing color.

“Lex?”

“W-what…” He cleared his throat and took a steadying breath. “What did he do to you?”

If I wanted to stop living in the shadows, living in my anger and fear, it was time I laid it all bare. “I was knocked out the first time. He slammed my head into a concrete wall. Silas found me unconscious on the floor after. He had dragged me to one of the beds, found me some new clothes. Mine were… they were useless after.”

“Baby,” he muttered, standing quickly and closing the distance between us. He cupped my face in both of his hands and wiped at the tears on my cheeks.

“The man came once a week, and once a week… he… he…” I hated that I couldn’t say the word, but it felt impossible. I knew what happened to me, and I knew it wasn’t my fault. But it didn’t take away the fear, the shame, the anger, and the pain that was soul-deep.

“You don’t need to explain; I understand,” he interjected, and I fell for him a bit more in that moment because he knew what I needed. He knew that I needed him to understand what happened, but I still wasn’t in a place to say it plainly. And maybe I wouldn’t ever be, and that was okay.

My chin shook as I held back more tears, but I could feel them pooling in my eyes. I leaned into his touch, borrowing his strength for just a moment. “I told Silas not to listen. I made him promise. But… but he would scream for him to stop, to leave me alone. It never worked.” I swallowed hard, and he crushed me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly as though to protect me from the entire world. I sobbed into his chest, my body shaking and my legs nearly giving out—both the relief of having the truth out in the world and the pain of reliving it nearly toppling me.

But Lexington wouldn’t let me fall. He held me up, held me tightly. His fingers tangled into my hair, his other arm wrapped around my torso. I could hear the steady beat of his heart under my ear and reveled in the warmth of his body. He was my strength in that moment, holding me together.

Lexington

I didn’t hear his car drive up. I didn’t hear him hopping out of the driver's seat, leaving the engine running as he ran to me. I didn’t hear him drop onto the front porch steps. But I felt him wrap his arms around me. I couldn’t break down in front of Goldie. It wasn’t fair—not after everything she had survived. I needed to be strong for her, but hearing her talk about what was stolen from her in that fucking dungeon broke me…

That man was a monster, inhuman in every way, and I refused to let him hurt her again. I would do whatever I needed to do.