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The relief hit me like a fucking car. Goldie was here. She was safe. She was okay.
The air outside was thick with the cold, metallic scent of rain, washing the backyard in a heavy chill. Goldie stood right in the middle of it, completely exposed in only a thin tank top and underwear. She looked almost spectral in the dark, the damp air clinging to her skin and catching the moonlight.
She adjusted her grip on the handle of my baseball bat, her knuckles white against the grip tape. I watched her toss a wet baseball into the air, step into her stance, and swing with everything she had.
Crack.
The impact shattered the silence, sending the ball flying into the shadows. Her follow-through was wild, driven by pure, unfiltered rage rather than actual skill, but the sheer force behind it made my chest ache. She was using the exact outlet I’d shown her, trying to beat back the ghosts with raw violence. Watching her swing, I recognized the desperation in her eyes. It was the same white-hot frustration that had fueled me when I first took River in, drowning in fear of failing him and trying to strike my way toward some kind of control.
I walked toward her, the grass damp under my feet, the cool air blanketing my bare chest. I hadn’t thrown a shirt on in my haste to get to her, not that I cared. I barely even noticed.
“Goldie?” I called softly, not wanting to scare her.
She turned, her eyes meeting mine. A tear was spilling softly down her cheek, her eyes glittering with the unshed tears that remained. “Sorry, did I wake you? Was it too loud?”
I shook my head and closed the distance between us. I cradled her face in my hand, using my thumb to brush away the tear that cracked my heart open. She leaned into my touch, just a hair, but I felt the shift in weight. “The lack of you in bed woke me up. How long have you been out here?”
She looked around the yard, breaking our contact. “I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to bother you or River. Figured I’d try this out again.” She lifted the bat to prove her point before dropping it to the ground with a huff. “It doesn’t seem to be working.”
“What’s going on, baby?” I asked gently, stepping over the bat and nudging it a few feet away with my foot as I took her by the shoulders, forcing her to face me.
She took a slow, steadying breath, and her eyes met mine. “I’m scared,” she admitted. “So damned scared.”
“Because he’s still out there?” I clarified, and she nodded.
“I was less scared when you first found me,” she muttered. “Don’t get me wrong, I was scared shitless. But it wasn’t this all-consuming fear that eats me alive now. Now... well, now I feel stuck in place, checking around every corner for him to reappear. To take me again, take from me again.”
“What changed? Your memories? Is that why it’s harder now?”
She shook her head. “You changed. River did. I have something to lose now. Someone to lose. This incredible life, whatever future we could have—he could take it from me in a heartbeat.”
My heart both sang and broke at her words. “I won’t let him, Goldie.”
“What if he comes back? What if I wake up in that damned hell again, never to see the sun, the moon, the stars again?” Her voice rose with each word, her tone turning frantic, angry. “What if he takes everything from me again, breaks me down until I am only a shell of a person? What then, Lex?”
“Then I’ll find you.” My answer was immediate and true to the marrow of my bones. “I’ll search for you to the ends of the earth. I will never, ever give up on you, Goldie. You are seared into my heart and soul. My very being. If he takes you again, I will find you. No one, no person, no god, nothing could keep me from you.”
Her eyes flitted between mine as though she were looking for a hint that it was a lie, that they were just empty words used to placate her.
I needed to convince her I was serious, that I meant every word. She had too much to deal with; she shouldn’t need to question me or my motives.
“I am hopelessly in love with you, Marigold Taylor. My heart beats for you, and I will walk through fucking fire for you.”
She let out a small gasp. I moved my hands to her face, cradling it softly, my fingers tangling in her hair. “I love you, Goldie.”
“Really?” she spoke on a breath, her voice just above a whisper.
“I’m a lot of things,” I explained. “You are the first to call me out on my faults. I’m perpetually late, I have an ego the size of Texas, I’m impulsive, I don’t think things through, and I have definite mommy issues. But one thing I am not is a liar. Have I ever once lied to you?”
She shook her head, speechless, her dark eyes wide as she searched my face. Seeing her so still, so vulnerable, made something fierce unlock in my chest. Words were no longer enough to convince her; she needed to feel how deeply she owned me.
I was an impulsive man—a trait I’d spent years trying to tame since becoming a father—but Goldie brought out the raw, unfiltered side of me I couldn't control. I didn’t care that we were standing out in the freezing night air. The logical choice was to carry her inside to a warm bed, but the raw relief of having her in my arms destroyed any remaining patience I had.
I cupped her face, my fingers tangling in her rain-damp hair, and leaned down to capture her mouth.
A soft gasp escaped her lips right before my mouth covered hers, and then her palms hit my naked chest, igniting a shockwave across my skin. She didn't hesitate; she kissed me back with an intense, fiery hunger, her tongue tangling with mine.
My hands skated up her back as our movements turned fervent. Her skin prickled under my touch as my fingers ghosted over her spine. She was the softest being I had ever touched, and I never wanted to stop.