Page 27

LUNA

Fifteen months later

Chase, Aaron, my new boyfriend Noah, and I are all in the library. We’re studying for our midterms together, quizzing each other, and asking questions that surely won’t be on any test just to make sure we know our shit.

Aaron and Noah are in criminal justice together, in a world similar to Chase and mine, just in a different font. I turn to Noah as he asks me the next question. His black hair is slicked, his jawline sharp and square, and blue eyes that match my own. In a way, he reminds me of Jax, especially his strong features. It took me months to stop thinking about him.

Noah was just someone I could use to help me get past the thought of Jax. I knew I needed something when, after three months, I never saw his name again. But eventually, Noah was likable enough.

But still not enough.

He’s sweet, kind, resilient, and funny. He deserves someone true to him.

Noah is even considering moving in with me. He’s willing to pay the other half of the rent, but I haven’t told him that my parents send me all of my money. Everything I need— a roof, food, clothes, etc. is supplied by my parents. They think it’s their due diligence or whatever. I haven’t forgiven them or seen them since I was a child. They reach out, call, or text, but I don’t respond. The money never stops coming, though.

Why would I reach out and speak to them when they covered my body in scars? I still see scars to this day, but I think of Jax now. When he told me I was wanted.

“Earth to Luna. Are you there?” Noah snaps his fingers in front of my face. I shake my head.

“Yeah, I’m here,” I laugh, noticing that I was playing with the compass around my neck. “Sorry, just daydreaming.”

“Ooh. Any good dreams?” He asks with a smirk. He’s heartbreakingly handsome.

“Just thinking about living together,” I admit. Of course, I leave out all the bits and pieces about Jax that crept into my brain. Noah doesn’t know about him. He never will. Chase doesn’t speak about him either. I’m thankful for that.

“What do you say we get out of here?” Noah implores. I know what this means. He wants to go back to my place and have fun. It’s fun for him but mediocre at best for me. Jax left an imprint on my body. The way he would worship me and run his calloused fingers over my body. Sometimes, when Noah and I are having sex, I close my eyes and imagine Jax is there.

These are secrets that not even Chase knows. There are days I contemplate going to therapy because of the weight of holding all of this inside. I fear the cannon will go off one day, and it will all shake loose.

“Sure,” I smile back at him. “Chase, Aaron, see you guys later!” Aaron’s eyes glimmer with amusement as he whistles.

“Have fun, love birds,” he jokes.

Noah and I gather our things and head back to my apartment. The door is barely shut behind us before he’s sucking off my face. He groans into my mouth, and this is the part where I close my eyes and picture Jax. The man that has a chokehold on my body, my mind, my soul.

Every day, I wonder if he thinks of me, if he remembers the girl who begged him to stay, the girl to whom he gave his pendant.

I never stop wearing it.

Noah has repeatedly asked me about it, but the only thing I seem to tell him is that a good friend gave it to me. I don’t want Jax to be known in my life. It’s not that I’m ashamed, but because talking about him makes it real, and I can’t fucking deal with the pain it’ll bring.

If he’s real, then it hurts, and I’m real tired of hurting.

It’s sad and cruel for me to do this to Noah. He should find someone who wants to be with him for him, but I need someone around to fill the void.

Noah moves his head down the side of my face, kissing along the skin of my jaw and the narrow part of my neck. Moving towards my collarbone, he meets the top of my shirt. His hips grind into me, and I feel nothing. Nothing for him but everything for someone with dark green eyes and a sharp jaw. Usually, I can get myself into the mood enough to play, but there’s something quite not right about this. Minus the whole using him part.

Looking out the window over his shoulder and through the sheer curtains that cover the opening, I see a man. Before I can make out his features, I blink, and he’s gone. I want to know when my mind will stop playing tricks on me. I wonder when I won’t feel quite so empty anymore.

Noah pulls me into the bedroom and turns the mirror around. He knows the routine. I refuse to have sex in here with that mirror because when I look into the reflection, all I see is Jax on his knees behind me. It’s different when I see him in my mind rather than my eyes showing me him right before me.

I can draw a line somewhere.

Noah and I strip naked, and I crawl onto the bed. He crawls in behind, hovering above me, peppering kisses along my skin. Down my neck, over my breasts and belly until he reaches his favorite place between my legs. I have to give him credit where it’s due because he knows how to use his tongue. He flicks it out, massaging my clit with the tip before he shoves it inside of me. My back arches off the mattress as a moan leaves my lips.

Noah lavishes me, and for once, all the bad thoughts swim away with the work he puts in. My mind is here in the present. An orgasm forms in my belly, pulling me closer and closer to the edge.

And there’s a bang at the door.