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Jack’s words echo in my head: You are more powerful than you realize. The way he said it lingers with me, like he wasn’t guessing.
Like he knew.
I sit there for a bit longer, my thoughts drifting between the journal and what just happened with Jack, and I barely notice when the library door clicks open and Cade walks in.
“I need to borrow those journals.” He says it simply, already reaching for them, picking them up off the desk before I have the chance to protest. “I need to look into our past or whatever she said.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m reading them. Wait your turn,” I snap back.
“No, there’s information in these journals pertinent to my mission and I will be taking them for the foreseeable future.”
“They might have clues as to what I am.”
Cade pauses. “Yes, exactly. So for now, I suggest you avoid using your abilities until we understand more about this,” he says, walking away.
I stop him. “You can’t just walk in here barking orders at me. I feel fine. You have no right to tell me what to do.”
“Listen, I’m sorry. That’s not what this is. Gen told me I need to look into some things from our past, and after what happened the other day, it’s safer for you to avoid any training.”
“Fine, I can just search for answers in the grimoire, then,” I say with attitude.
He stops, turning toward me. “You will not touch that thing,” he orders, then he walks away, shutting the door behind him.
Asshole.
It’s not like I want to mess with the grimoire. I know how dangerous it is, or at least I have an idea. But whatever I am, that’s dangerous, too. I can feel it. He talked to Genni… fuck, I wish Cade and I were better at communicating. I don’t know what Gen said, but if it has my brother’s nose in old journals, then it must be important.
How do you put up with him? I ask the ether. I guess you guys really are perfect for each other. You aren’t able to disagree with him… I chuckle to myself.
Standing, I go to the bookshelves to see if I can find any other remnants of Jonathan Halloway. The light of the lamp casts a beautiful glow on the ancient texts. Finding nothing, I sit back down and become all too aware of the presence clearly in the room with me.
I only feel you when I’m alone. I can only imagine that in the past the overwhelming presence of Alabaster was what kept me from feeling you. Your presence is so soft, and gentle. It’s no wonder you’re a comfort to my brother.
“You know,” I murmur softly, my fingers tracing the edge of the desk. “I never properly thanked you.” I smile to myself. “My head’s been everywhere lately. I’m not sure how you did it, but I know my brother loves you. And I just want you to know… that means the world to me.”
Memories flicker through my mind—Cade distant, controlled, unreadable. Even now, I can never quite get a full measure of him.
But you do. You see him. The real him.
“We may be broken. Our lives might be a complete mess…” I exhale softly, shaking my head. “But we’re family. And I’m really glad you’re part of it.” My fingers press lightly over my heart. “We don’t really get to choose who we’re born to. But sometimes… we get to choose who stays.” I glance around the empty library, the quiet wrapping around me like a blanket.
“And you stayed. You helped me save him. You helped save us.” I let myself feel my own words. “You’re not just some presence hovering in the dark anymore, you’re one of us.” A quiet laugh escapes me. “You’re quite the useful guardian angel.” I tilt my head thoughtfully. “I suppose that’s what I’ll call you, since I don’t know your name.” The air feels warmer. “Welcome to our fucked-up family, Angel.”
CHAPTER 14 CADE
She is so damn stubborn, I know she told me she wouldn’t use that thing, but I won’t be giving her the opportunity. I go upstairs and into Calli’s room. The only light comes from a candle flickering in the corner near her reading chair, and the room smells like wax and old paper. Someone was just in here.
I move over to her bed first. I check the nightstand and find nothing, then to her bookshelf, I turn—and something in the air shifts.
“Cade.”
The deep resonance of the voice surrounds me. I feel a pressure bear down on me. It feels… familiar. My head snaps to her dresser, and I feel a cold chill run down my spine as I step closer. My hand hesitates inches from the top left drawer.
“Cade.” My pulse feels like it slows down, time suspended in the moment.
“What are you doing?” Kai’s voice cuts the moment and I flinch.
“Fuck.” I yank the drawer open; there it is. My eyes meet the dark leather-bound book. I grab it before I can think too hard and leave without responding to him.