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He watched her swallow slide down her slim throat. “Yes.” She gave him a sad smile. “I suppose that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
His stomach hollowed out. It was what he’d known, deep down, but it felt different hearing it from her. Sure, he could continue to flirt, to imagine what all this simmering sexual chemistry would feel like if it was given a chance to erupt, boil over. But that’s all he could do. Anything more and he would be betraying the trust of both Anna and Colin.
The evening he’d been looking forward to since he’d received her text this morning, now felt flat. He wasn’t sure he could bring himself to paste a smile on his face and make any further polite conversation. Looking at Anna, he wasn’t sure she could, either.
“Do you want another drink?”
“No.” Her fingers played with the stem of her empty glass. “Maybe we should just go back?”
He settled the bill, waving away her card. They’d been taking turns, but now wasn’t the time to argue over it. It was the time to get the hell out.
The atmosphere was strained as they began the walk to the train station and it felt like they’d taken a giant step backwards. From uneasy strangers to something that had felt a lot like friends, to now this . . . awkwardness. He’d begun to look forward to their time together, he realized. Now it felt like it had been snatched away and he didn’t know how to act.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I kind of put a damper on our evening.”
He gave her a wry smile. “To your point, at least we both know where we stand now.”
“Yes.” She chewed at her bottom lip, and he had to look away sharply. “Trouble is, the sexual fog hasn’t cleared yet. At least not for me.”
His chest tightened sharply. “Not for me either.”
Her gaze jumped to his, eyes wide and damn it, hopeful. “No?”
“Absolutely not. Have you seen you in that dress?”
She huffed out a laugh and gave her head a little shake, like she didn’t know what to say.
He needed to end this evening on a better note, one that ensured when he woke up tomorrow, he had a day to look forward to again. And a friend to enjoy it with. “You know, when I first came to stay, I didn’t see you, only a barrier to stop me from cramming a lifetime of adventures into my best friend’s final weeks.”
“I know.” She looked up at him. “And now?”
“Now I see a woman who has all the attributes I loved about Colin; fun, easy to be around, warm, kind, compassionate. A great listener who’s helped me to talk about things I would usually keep buried.” He smiled. “Of course she’s also some of the things Colin wasn’t, like a total knockout with curves I can’t stop fantasizing about, hair I want to feel run through my fingers, trail across my chest.” Dammit, he needed to stop. He gulped in a lungful of air. “What I’m trying to say is, I thought this last month would be one of the worst of my life, and sure, at times it’s been torture.” He figured she could read into that what she wanted. “But I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you.”
A slow smile spread across her face. “I saw a grumpy, reckless guy who was trying to force my brother to do things he didn’t have the strength for.”
He didn’t like that. Had he pushed Colin too far? “And now?”
“Now I see what my brother saw in you. You’re steadfast, strong.” She gave him a playful poke in the chest. “And as I saw with Mateo, you’re a softie beneath the tough exterior. I enjoy spending time with you, too.”
He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed to hear that until a lump slid up his neck and lodged into this throat. “Friends?”
“Yes, friends.” She let out a sharp exhale. “Oh, damn it, we forgot to do the photo at the bar.”
He took the phone from her, angled it towards them with the Carlyle hotel in the background. “Say ‘most expensive cocktail ever.’”
She laughed and he snapped.
The rest of the journey back was easier, as was the takeout they shared on their knees watching another episode of Slow Horses. Occasionally he caught himself staring at her, looking at the legs she’d tucked up under her on the sofa and wondering what they’d feel like wrapped around his waist, but he told himself it wasn’t a problem. He was a man, with a man’s will power. Not a wet behind the ears boy.
He could manage to look, to flirt, without giving in to temptation and touching. Couldn’t he?
December 16th
Anna glanced at the time on her bedside clock and winced. Since she’d woken up, she’d spent an hour sitting in bed, scrolling mindlessly through her phone, while trying to pluck up the courage to go into the kitchen.
Which Luke would she find today?
Broody Luke, Flirty Luke, Smoldering Luke. Serious Luke. She almost hoped for annoying Luke, the man she’d spent the first week with. At least he hadn’t kept her awake at night.