Page 59

She didn’t utter my name. She’s using it like a weapon, and I can tell. And she thinks I give a shit about suspicion.

With a huff, I turn and walk into the house with the intent of getting Lea out of here as quickly as possible.

The sound of a champagne bottle pop coming from my living room makes me pause. “This calls for a celebration,” she says with a laugh, pouring the bubbly into a flute, glaring at me with a smile.

“What are we celebrating?” I ask.

“You’re growing up, Alex. You have a house in the suburbs. You’re decorating, spending your days doing housework, grocery shopping!”

I let out a laugh, amusing her for the time being. I could put aside the annoyance of feeling like the punch line of the joke for a moment, and acknowledge that yes, I have grown up. But I’m forty fucking years old, so it’s about damn time I grew up, and if the woman only five years younger than me who acts half as mature wants to have some fun with it, then I’m okay with that.

She raises her glass. “Here’s to shocking the hell out of everyone.”

I let my hand drop without a clink to her glass. My smile fades as I stare at her grin. Even my fucking friends expected me to fail.

“Oh, come on,” she teases. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, you seem it. You’re proud that I didn’t fuck up like I always do, right?”

“Don’t get salty about it, Alex.” Her hand drops, and I step away to keep from saying something I’ll regret.

“How do you know I haven’t fucked up?” I ask, leaning against the counter and watching the girl that tempts me every day just sitting in her overalls like she’s not a walking crisis for me.

Lea notices my unfocused gaze. “Have you?”

“All I do is fuck up, right? Just like everyone expects me to. My sister, my friends, my business partners. Why even try anymore if I just fulfill their expectations of me?” I don't know if I’m saying this to Lea or to myself.

She sets her glass down next to me and rubs her hands along my forearm. It’s not a sexual movement. She’s touching me as a friend, a seemingly concerned one. And why wouldn’t she be? I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

“Alex, this transformation is good for you. You’re out of the city, getting time to reflect. Everyone is cheering for you.”

I’m not buying it, but it’s nice to hear.

“Besides,” she says, pressing her body up against mine. “I know for a fact you haven’t fucked that teenager in your pool house. So, that’s progress.” There’s a little laugh in her voice.

But my face contorts into a disappointed grimace as I move away from her. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Oh, come on, Alex,” she pleads, eyebrows up. “I’m only joking. I mean, look at her. I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes off her. I can only imagine how it is for you.”

I take a menacing step forward. “Do not talk about her.”

She puts up her hands in surrender. “Got it. I’m sorry.”

My heart is hammering in my chest and I feel out of control. Something about my old life and this new life colliding has me disoriented and erratic. I just want Lea to leave. I just want to bury my face in Sunny’s neck and let her convince me that I’m better.

That I’m good.

But one nagging question hovers to the forefront of my mind. Turning toward Lea in the awkward silence, I ask, “How do you know I’m not…fucking her already?”

She lets out a haughty sound. “I can tell.”

“How?”

She rolls her eyes as she gulps down her champagne. “If you were screwing her or have screwed her at least once, she wouldn’t still be working for you.”

The room is painfully silent again, so all I can hear is the intake of my own breath as those words settle in. The truth is painful.

I don’t even have to ask why. Lea continues.