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Jodie rubbed her thumb across Mac’s knuckle. “She was drinking mostly, but doing other stuff too. One night, she called me, asking for help. I drove down and…it was bad.” Jodie brushed away a tear, remembering. “But she’d reached out and told me she was ready. So, I got her into rehab.”
“And you paid for it with your vet school money.” It wasn’t a question.
Jodie shrugged. “Like I said, she needed it. What else was I supposed to do? I was afraid she’d change her mind. Family comes first and vet school wasn’t going anywhere. I’d saved up for it once. I could do it again.”
Mac went still. “You told me you decided it wasn’t worth the debt.”
Heat crept up Jodie’s neck. “I know. It’s what I’ve told everyone. Even myself.”
“And your mom and dad?”
Jodie’s thumb stopped moving on his knuckle. “Shelby asked me not to tell them.”
Mac’s eyebrows drew together. “And you didn’t.”
“They’d already done years of ambulances, and medical bills, and medications, and waiting for the phone to ring with someone on the other end telling them Shelby was in trouble again. Or worse.” She lifted one shoulder. “She was finally asking for help on her own. If I’d told Mom and Dad and she found out, I was afraid she’d bolt. She felt ashamed and was afraid if they knew how bad it had gotten, it would have broken something in them. Not to mention they’d want to pay me back, and they couldn’t afford to.”
“So you handled it.”
“We handled it.” Jodie sighed. “She asked me for help. Nobody else. Me.” Jodie had never once said that part out loud. “It worked,” she added. “That’s the important part. Shelby got better. She’s married to a great guy, she’s got a good job. That wouldn’t have happened otherwise. And it’s how I found Watchdog. I needed a job, Kyle was looking for someone with great organizational skills who was good under pressure, so here we are.”
“Well, there she is. But what about you?”
“What about me? I love Watchdog,” she said. “I love my job, so I’m living my best life, too. It all worked out.”
“I mean, will you ever go back to vet school?”
“I’ve thought about it.” Jodie heard how careful her own voice sounded and hated it. “Arden brought it up a few weeks ago. But.” She shook her head.
“But?”
“But there’s a roundup in about four hours, and twenty people out there who need somebody to know where everything is.” She made herself smile. “Ask me again when we’re home.”
Mac watched her for a moment. She braced for it, because she knew exactly how that answer sounded, and she knew he knew too.
He let it go.
“Okay,” he said.
Mac went quiet. She wished he’d say something, anything. Instead, he looked at her for so long she had to fight the urge to start explaining again. Then he reached out and cupped her face.
“What gets me is that nobody meant to make you disappear,” he said.
Jodie frowned. “Disappear?”
“You were always there in the background, being dependable, keeping the family together. Making sure everybody else had what they needed.” His gaze stayed on hers. “But every time there was a choice, you volunteered yourself smaller.”
Jodie swallowed. Her chest suddenly hurt. “It was my job, my duty. I had the capacity for it. I had no desire to rebel, and I was perfectly healthy, so why shouldn’t I have? It wasn’t anything special that I did. I was ordinary.”
Mac’s thumb moved over her knuckles.
“I see you,” he said quietly as he lifted her hand to his lips. “I’ve seen you since the moment I walked into Watchdog. Jodie, you’ve never been ordinary a day in your life. I know it. We all do. I mean, look at you right now. You’ve got this place organized. I can’t imagine the chaos if you weren’t here! You talk Willow down when she’s spinning up. You got Virgil to cooperate. You’re handling Harold and the BLM even though you’re at odds.”
“And I’m doing it to you, aren’t I?” she said softly as she looked into the middle distance. “I’m handling you the way I handled my sister. My family. Everyone out there.” She gestured at the wall of the tent.
Then she looked at Mac. “But you aren’t them. You aren’t Shelby. And I’ve been managing you like you were one more thing on the list. You’re fine, and I did it anyway.”
Mac didn’t rush to correct her. He just held her hand.