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“I tell you that I bribed my assistant to pretend to be my fiancée and you choose the part of the story about Mom to fixate on?”
“Sorry. I’m happy for them. For her. She deserves all the happiness in the world. I never deserved her.”
“No, you didn’t. And I…I don’t deserve Kendall.”
“The assistant you bribed?”
“She’s more than my assistant. She’s…my everything.”
“Now we’re finally getting somewhere.”
“I didn’t say anything or do anything irresponsible as her boss. At least not before our weekend away when we were pretending to be engaged. Then…well, I couldn’t resist her any longer.”
“You slept with her?” he asks and I nod. “Now you’re worried she’ll sue you?”
“No, that’s not…I don’t think Kendall would actually tell anyone. She’s very stubborn and she…I think she quit because she wants more.”
“More? More money than you bribed her with?” he asks.
“No. I didn’t offer her money. Just extra vacation days. Pet sitting for her cat. Some luggage and clothes.” Running my fingers through my hair, I say, “I think I’m in love with her and I’m worried I’ve already screwed things up. I don’t want to lose Kendall, but if I choose her, I lose everything else.”
“You’re in love with her?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think she’s in love with you?”
I don’t have to think very long for that answer. “I think so. I hope so.”
“Then what’s the problem, son?”
“I’m scared this will all blow up in my face.”
“Sounds like that’s already happened. So now you don’t have to worry about the worst-case scenario. You just need to pick up the pieces and figure out where they fit together so you can move forward.”
“How do I do that?”
“By talking to her. Being honest with her about what you want so that she’ll hopefully be honest with you too.”
“I’m not sure if she wants to see me.”
“Of course she does. Women like to know they matter enough to be chased, that they’re worth the effort.”
“You didn’t chase Mom,” I point out.
“No, I didn’t. I should have, but I waited too long. We had a lot more baggage between us. There was nothing I could’ve said or done to make her forgive me for the affairs. She was never going to trust me again and without trust in a relationship, it’s like building an apartment complex in a swamp. No matter how much work you put into it, how sturdy it looks, it’s always going to sink.”
I quietly consider that, hating that he’s right.
“You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, son. Forget the company. If you want to spend your life with this girl, then you’ll find a way to make things right. I don’t even think it’s really her that you’re worried about. I think you’re afraid that everyone at the office will think you’re no different from your old man, and that really bothers you.”
“Of course it bothers me! I don’t want them to think I’m some pervert who used his position to sleep with women.” I don’t want to be the kind of man who ruins everything for lust.
“That’s what you think about me?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you’re not entirely wrong. The women I slept with were young, some of them younger than you. But they were the ones who approached me first, not the other way around. I didn’t seek them out or harass them the way HR made it sound.”
